My Clevah Vritish Accent

Have you ever thought why you still maintain a house phone but never really uses it, or you never answer it when it rings? You ask me. I get all kinds of telemarketers, from Owtel to car insurance, to credit card offers and one of those “Congratulations, Chuva, you just won a trip for two to the Bahamas! Blah-blah-blah!! ”

I have done the Do-not-call-list thing and for some reason, it’s not working for me. I would still come home and have at least 7 or 10 spam voice messages to erase. And if I happen to pick up these calls, I will tell them all kinds of lies to avoid the conversation. I tell them that I’m just a nanny or housekeeper here, or that I'm a robber, or that I'm just a ghost! Or worse, I’ll scare them away with a screaming voice in my crispy Marinduque accent even if they don’t really understand it, “Hindi mo ‘ga ako atantanan ng kakatawag dini ay? Ako’y nagaluto dini ay ako ay inaabala mo laang ay! Kung ika’y nandini laang ay ahampasin ta na ng sandok at nang magtigil ka! Isa pang tawag mo dini ay talagang a dimanda ‘ta na!! Hay-p ka!” (Quite exxag, I know...)

To my displeasure, none of my gimicks really worked. I've given up. I still get flooded with these annoying calls. I think I’m cursed! So one day, I was ready to kill... I started digging a grave in my backyard to bury this cursed house phone. Until I thought of this clever idea…..

I've had this telephone greeting for 2 weeks now and VIOLA!! People still leave me messages! Grrrhhh!! Maybe I'll try a Pakistani accent next time...