Hello, World! My Name Is...

Hello, World! My name is Czarina Trinidad and I’d like to introduce myself to all my new readers here in my new website. I have been blogging for more than a year now and have been looking for my inspiration lately to keep going in my writing hobby…. Now that I have just launched my own spot in Blogspot, I wanted to shine and offer something to my readers that is worth their while and not just spill my vainness as a self-confessed beauty queen and dethroned princess (then denying it to death later)…

I write very consciously and conscientiously. But I am also very gutsy and have made up stories and sometimes have misled people with my exaggerated content, and inexcusable sarcasm. But I like it! I love writing sch-tuffs and so I do it through blogging. In fact, I have 3 (or 4) of them here in Blogspot alone…. It’s sickening, I know. So, here’s what you can expect from my blogs from now on…

http://czarinatrinidad.blogspot.com/
This is my main blog, and you are in it! This is where I will practice writing continuously my profound contemplation and musing on a subject or series of subjects of a deep or abstruse nature in my usual gutsy and witty attitude as a writer… In other words, I am not shutting up!

Http://diaryofshiloandlily.blogspot.com/

This is my Shih Tzu blog. I tell people all the time that I have twins, and their names are Shilo and Lily. Hah! People buy it and so be it. To some people’s disbelief, they later on found out that they are not “real” kids after all, but puppies! There is no difference for me. As I said, I like “misleading” people as I find it very funny.

http://thehottienottiediva.blogspot.com/


This is my “Comedy VLOG.” No one should take their lives too seriously. So why will I? I just feel that I have so much more non-sense crap to say, and I just needed another bucket to throw-up all my silliness and craziness. I know, I sound different in my writing, but this VLOG is my big mouthpiece of my other (or real) personality.... the joker diva that is in me!

So hopefully, you’ll visit me here regularly and check out all my “musings”. If you know me as a friend or relative, or if you are one passerby and you find my writings amusing, then please subscribe, will you?

The Countdown to Gaining Back My Lost Inspiration and My Lost Waistline

I know that title was a mouthful.

I haven’t been writing a worthy blog for a long time now. Something seriously terrible happened…. I lost my inspiration, and worse, I LOST MY WAISTLINE! So sad… For the past month now, I’ve been wearing my ”big girl’s clothes” which I also call my “fat suits.” If I don’t do anything soon, my hips will deserve to have its own ZIP Code.

Let me skip the name-blaming game even if it’s always easier to point your miseries to others. Instead, I’d like to analyze my out-of-control behavior. OK, I admit, I’ve been stressed… and who isn’t? Isn’t that like a normal everyday battle of all people? So, this stress has caused me to make stress-eating a hobby. Now, it’s time to face the bloody truth. For the “nth” time now, I want to ‘discipline’ myself again… I want to feel good about myself again, inside and out, and hoping one day my lost inspiration will find me, and my lost waistline will find itself again beneath my growing love handles.

I am always a believer in writing down my goals and plans. It works for me, and it should work for all of you. So, I’ll be writing down now my goals to help me focus on my challenge. In fact, I'm keeping a private blog which is my own personal wellness diary here in blogspot. The countdown begins today, Monday, October 27, 2008. I was tipping at 140 lbs this morning according to my scale. I just want to be fit and fabulous at 130 lbs. Realistically, that’s my ideal weight if I want to get back to my "hotness" and maintain my curvy bombshell figure.

Czarina Singing "Can this Be Love"

I like Sarah Geronimo's version of "Can this be love", so I thought I'd record my own version.

Czarina Singing Karaoke "Because of You"

Some of you may know that I love to sing KARAOKE. This is what I love to do in parties! At home during my relaxation time, if you don't catch me cooking or cleaning, or bonding with Shilo and Lily, you'll find me in my concierto mode in our entertainment room in our basement. I have recorded one of my favorite songs, and I dedicated this song "Because of You" to my sister Diana when she got married.

The All American Girl (Slide Show)

Christmas Decorating (Home Video)

Here's a compilation of my home videos this weekend after we have finished decorating our Christmas tree, staircase, fireplace, and console tables (and every corner in the house!). This is what we love to do at home! I was so tired... I felt like I run a marathon! But it's all worth it! Thanks to Ronald... He's the best! If you need to hire him to decorate your home, please contact me... I'm his Talent Manager! ha-ha-ha!

Christmas Decorating at Home

We started our Christmas decorating this weekend! I always look forward for this activity every year as this is our joint husband-wife project that we both enjoy doing together. 90% of the time, Ronald is the main decorator in the family. I just clean up after him, or sort things for him. But this time, he tasked me to do our stair case and asked me to make it look fun and different from the past years. So, I got really excited for the first time!! I found my inspiration instantly and I started rolling up my sleeves and got to work. I thought I'd share with you all some "before and after" photos and videos of the making of our fabulous Christmas tree and our "grand" stair case!

My chosen theme for our stair case is Mardi Gras inspired. I love the different look and that it's not very traditional. It's very colorful and fun!

They are worth it! http://diaryofshiloandlily.blogspot.com/

When you decided to have two beautiful shih tzu, you have to treat them like your own kids! Not only are they expensive when you buy them, but they are expensive to maintain as well as they grow. Like today, I bought their Prescription Diet food at $73 a bag!! When I picked up this special low allergen dog food this afternoon from my vet, the receptionist said my dogs are very special indeed and very high maintenance! I said, "I know and they are worth it."

It's a tough economy right now but I have to give only the best food to my kids. Selfishly, I thought to my self when I was driving back home (and skipping grocery shopping!)... how many more pairs of shoes could I get for $73, or how many new purses and nice outfit, or make up, etc....

When I got home, Shilo and Lily were so happy to see me, like I was the only one they are waiting for for the whole day... I embraced and showed them their new bag of food... and they really didn't care at all! What's the most important for them is that "Momma's home!"

So, what I've done for them today is I created their own blogspot website!! Here's the link that you can follow if you want to get to know them better:
http://diaryofshiloandlily.blogspot.com/

Moving Blogs from My Friendster Blog

Welcome to the archive of my Friendster blog (all the blogs below). This compilation of writings were transfered from my Friendster blog where I've been writing for a year. I decided to create my own Blogspot on the internet as this gives me more option to express myself thru writing, and I feel that I am more in control here.... whatever that means. Blogspot will also allow me to create multiple blogs, upload photos and videos easily, and even write a blog from my blackberry cellphone, which is a must for a busy mom who's always on the go! And the best thing is, my interested readers, friends and family can subscribe to my blog if they want to follow my updates, funny stories, crazy thoughts, etc.

Junked and Spammed

Junked and Spammed
August 25th, 2008

This is Czarina’s clone again. I can’t disregard this freaky behavior anymore. Czarina was last seen injecting giant mugs of caffeine in her bloodstream for days now, sniffing cheeseburgers and French fries, and eating lots of junk lately like a wild pig…. She’s been working late last week, and not working out at all. After heavy partying last weekend and swearing over a slob of cassava cake while her eyes rolled to ecstasy…. she went home with an over-bulged two-pack tummy, looked at her mirror and broke down. I had no pity for her. She seriously needs someone to whip her bottom and someone to talk herself out on “being-out-of-control-diva” these past days. HELP!!! Someone please lock her down in her basement, handcuff her with Barbie’s pink furry handcuffs and put a strawberry-flavored glittery masking tape over her junk-food-craving mouth! And if she ever begs for food again, let her cry until her water-proof mascara runs off her face with her green contact lenses…. Feed her only okra, ampalaya, and talong and other vegetables that she calls “crap!”

One thing that she has been dealing with this week was missing last month her friend’s email regarding an alarming health condition of another close friend. How could she ignore that with the thousands of spam emails her personal email gets everyday… Her yahoo inbox folder says she has 217 emails, and her spam folder has 2878 over a week period! Lately, she was weary and endlessly receiving sexually seductive email offers like male enhancement, Viagra, breast enlargement, adult toys, even transgender or sex change discounts and buy-1-get-1 free exotic Latino lap dance deals (which she won’t mind right now)…

This weekend, she received another weird invitation in her mailbox for someone’s wedding. I’d have to confirm that she didn’t write this one… Sad but true, but here’s what it says…..

You are regretfully invited
To the wedding between my perfect son,
The DoctorAnd someCheap Two-Bit Tramp
Whose name escapes me right now.
The biggest disaster in myFamily’s history will take place at
9PM on Saturday, September 8th
And no doubt end in divorce.
Hopefully in time to still be eligible for an annulment.
The overwhelmingly disappointing heartbreak of a ceremony
Will be followed by dinner, where nuts will be served
Because whatsherface has an allergy.

Here’s the picture as evidence.

Here’s Czarina’s Stolen Shot (taken by my official photographer and friend, Nikon Omero) from last night’s party after swallowing a slob of cassava cake while she’s still high… (looks like Angelica Panganiban, the bitchy contrabida in Iisa Pa Lamang!!)

The Emancipation of a Clone

The Emancipation of a Clone
August 16th, 2008

Czarina has had a tough Friday yesterday at work… Lots of shocking news and pressures she had no choice but to absorb. It all melted down into her bones and she’s at the edge of her seat now. No wonder she’s become withdrawn little by little everyday these past 2 weeks. She went home late last night again. She grabbed her babies in her arms which helped her to ease and calm down. She curled up on her side on her swing outside her deck enjoying the cool sunset breeze. I was watching her and she was just staring at nothing… trying to keep her eyes shut but can’t… trying to escape some sad reality from that day… trying to just quietly listen to the inner peace she has left within her soul… after being broken into pieces…

Hi! I’m Czarina’s Clone. Czarina needs some time to be alone and she won’t be writing for a while. But I will be. I don’t know why she’s acting dramatic lately… She must be watching too much TV drama like the telenovela “Iisa Pa Lamang”…. I also noticed that she’s been defensive and contrasting herself in her blog a lot…

Here’s how she’s coping up and here’s why it’s good that she’s going through some panic mode right now… First of all, she just opened her self to chatting on YM just the other night. I can’t believe she has ignored all her friends and family for years. She is finally converted to YM and was crazed getting in touch with her old high school friends and cousins. She’s really not into all this high-tech communication stuff until… Mr. Blackberry came to her life… configured him , and embraced him…

Czarina was actually having so much fun Friday afternoon after work… In fact, she had cocktails and appetizers with her girlfriends. If she was writing this, I know she’ll say she had some fancy drink like “Sex on the Beach”…. But since this is her clone reporting, (I’m more truthful than her) she had a super-size mug of raspberry lemonade. Here’s the highlight of her evening: One of her girlfriends invited her to a “Girls’ Slumber Party” on Tuesday, Aug. 19th, just here in town. Being the sheltered diva that she is, she learned that it’s actually a “Girl’s Toy Party”… Her eyeballs almost popped out of her eyes when she giggled and screamed in a climactic 10 decibels, “OH MY GOSH!!!” In short, she was psyched!! She turned red… was embarrassed but WILDLY excited! After a few testimonials from the group that is too taboo to describe here, she was finally convinced… And OH YES, OH YES, she is planning to come (it’s now on her calendar). I could see this little episode is so like “Sex and the City,” and Czarina is the new PROMDI character, indeed! She was like this little innocent girl about to be given away with a big dandy candy! I can’t wait to see her reaction on Tuesday night. But please don’t ask her about this because I will be in trouble and for sure she’ll ignore you. She’s very good at that… It say’s Manicure appointment on her calendar. Oh, is it really MAN-icure?

She’s usually self-conscious writing about her “bad girl image” experiences when she can write it in juicy details, which could be a VERY interesting post in her blog…. I have yet to convince her… One example is her “Britney-Spears-Gimme-More” act when she pole-and-cage-danced in a Lesbian/Gay Bar in Salt Lake early this spring with her friends. Yup, that’s where she got the “work out” idea from. Fantasy fulfilled. Check. Smiley face. Check. Violent reactions. Check. Check. Check.

Defending Ms. Witty

Defending Ms. Witty
August 15th, 2008

I have to admit. I don’t know where I got my witty piece of mind from. I have made some people upset or worried, or made some laugh out loud when my mouth is loaded with witty one liners. But I can’t help it, it just comes out naturally. Friends, I should not be taken seriously because I am just being my playful self.

Last night I made a friend worried when I said “You’re in trouble and I can’t talk right now but later after I have a bottle of wine…” in a serious tone of voice. I learned my lesson and I’m glad someone gave me a dose of my own medicine.

Work Scenario:A couple of weeks ago, when I first tried the new Cheetos Cheddar Jalapeno (You have to try it!!) and offered it to my officemates, I said to them “Try it, it’s better than sex!” They immediately lightened up and took a handful in their mouth, seriously. All it means to me is it’s worth all the calories.

When I lost a big client for a super low rate in Park City, I said “they’re a bunch of whores!” My boss heard me and asked me if I was sick that day. I wasn’t. I was just trying to make myself feel better as a loser.

When I asked my boss in our meeting that I need to be competitive in my market, I said “It’s about time to prostitute myself to get some serious business.” All eyes were on me. My boss told me to be the best prostitute I can be. I asked her if she was sick. And she was.
I lost a couple of big groups last week. I told my admin, “I’m gonna go home now and cry all night, but I’ll try to pass by the bar and have a couple BJ shots.” Friends, I really don’t drink. But I’ll have a glass of White Zinfandel.

Public and Private Scenario:When I need to go potty in a restaurant, I asked the waiter, “Where’s your MALE restroom?” The poor, confused waiter couldn’t speak… I couldn’t say much either.

Some people ask me what kind of work out do I do is to keep my “hot” figure, I said “pole and cage dancing in my French maid outfit, fish net stockings and hooker shoes.” Well, I only have the hooker shoes, but I don’t do and don’t have the rest… But I like grooving with my Hip Hop Abs video.

About a month ago, my husband told me that someone had asked him if my brother was my husband and if he was my son… I said, “Honey, this woman is a psychopath and has escaped from the mental ward.” I don’t really mean that. Or maybe I do. She’s definitely insane.
When my hubby “burps downward”, I don’t shy away but I ask him, “Honey, are you trying to seduce me? ‘Coz I’m so turned on right now…” Come on, I don’t think so.

Every Cloud has a Silver Lining

Every Cloud has a Silver Lining
July 17th, 2008

I have to stop what I’m doing today as it is imperative that I write my blog again. After having to go through weeks of emotional roller coaster (and some signs of early menopause, I’m serious about my hot flushes, or is it just heat stress?), I realized that I needed to reconnect with my self again to make sure I’m still sane after all the stress and pressure of my very demanding career and diva lifestyle. Thanks for Friendster blogs that I think this is my best way to pour out my bucket and update you all with what’s going on with my hair, err, with my life.

First of all, I cut my hair shorter again 2 weeks ago! My husband calls me “POGI” because he thinks I was…. I thought, finally, he noticed me that I was handsome after all!

I’ve been stressed lately because of this high gas and food prices. Well, who isn’t? It’s hard to believe that this tough economic time will soon predict my future lifestyle, which is riding my bike to work, dieting for life and shopping at the dollar store.

I’ve been frustrated somehow at work and thought that I wanted to leave and change careers and just become a fortune teller (I’ve been talking to Lily about it for a while, but she disagreed). I researched that they can potentially be famous and make tons of money just by diplomatically scaring people that doomsday is on December 12, 2012, or that they can find their next soul mate in the internet.

I’ve been constantly pressured by my family to have a baby as they waited a long time now to be grandparents. This is not new at all… Sometimes, I’d like to tease them that when I see screaming babies, little brats and ungrateful teenagers, my tubes are tying themselves up. Don’t get me wrong, I’d like to have kids of my own, but babies are God’s gift of life and a blessing. It’s not like a material thing that I can loan from Home Depot, or bargain at a yard sale. (But this is Utah, so sometimes, you’ll never know…)

Then I’ve been so excited to see again my “old friend Wally” (as in Wall-E?) who’s literally getting old and celebrating her Golden 50 next week, woo-hoo!!! But guess what… I haven’t forgiven myself for forgetting to greet my best friend, Ramil, a Happy Birthday last week (July 10).

There were times these past two weeks that tears will just roll down my eyes while driving or washing dishes because I’ve been saddened to know that my friend, Marilyn, who is still fighting for her life over breast cancer, was rushed many times to the hospital and spent days in the ICU this past week. I don’t know how else to cope with her situation but just to offer my prayers so she can live longer.

Early this week, I chatted to a very close friend who moved to Oregon, and to my little sister in Houston. I just missed them so much that I thought I have moved on since they left… but I guess it really takes a while before you get used to being so far away from people you have so much fun with and love dearly.

I’ve been motivating myself lately to kick my self forward so I could move on to the next chapter of my life before this summer just passes me by.

So to start off… I’ve been watching this new telenovela of Claudine Barretto and Gabby Concepcion this week. I would put on my gym outfit and shake by bum-bum dancing along to the HipHop Abs video as my curvaceous body has been yoyo-ing lately (thanks to my best comfort friends, Cheetos and Ruffles!). I’ve been doing pretty busy at work. I went back to church last Sunday after a long time. I spent quality time with my mom and close friends last Sunday. My brother-in-law’s family from Saipan is visiting us this week and our house have been full of action. My dogs are now grown and have realized that there’s a bigger world out there. Shilo and Lily like getting dirty wet around our neighbor’s sprinkler!! It’s priceless to see how my husband chases them around our neighbor’s yard. It’s been fun and great!!

I thought I was doing really well after all until I saw something shiny in my head this morning… I looked closely, and even closer…and it’s not my flakes… You have got to be kidding me!! You guessed it right!! It’s my first silver gray hair!!! Waaaahhhh!!

Vain (and Vanity)... What it takes to be (ME?)

Vain (and Vanity)… What it takes to be (ME?)
June 6th, 2008

I can’t believe how much I have stressed on my bad hair days in Houston , especially in my sister’s wedding. You all must have been convinced now that I am one high-maintenance freaky vain princess after all… Okay, I admit! Whatever…. I am undeniably VAIN, period.
Vanity works for me, in general, and in many positive ways throughout my career, my marriage, and my social life:

I like to wear my green contact lenses, and lots of eyeliner and mascara.
I like super high heel shoes.
I like to dress up more eclectic than others.
I like to be taller.
I’m extremely flammable after I spray my entire head so my hair will be in the right place at all times.
I can’t leave my house without makeup on.
I like posing for photos and looking good at it consistently.
Lately, I want to wear a lot of short shorts and bare my fake-tanned legs!!
I like to wear “bling-bling” accessories (from rings to earrings, from belts to purses) that screams “I’m Czarina, the FABULICIOUS PRINCESS!!”

I feel good when I know I look good. When people admire me, I say “thank you” sincerely.
So I am vain. BUT WHO ISN’T VAIN? I know I am not alone in this category. Just look at all your Friendster profiles and you’ll know who you are…

In today’s world of endless possibilities to be flawless and beautiful, it is NOT hard to be vain after all. Most women, even men, especially Filipinos, have issues with their hair, or color, or weight, or boob size, and most especially, their nose shape! So there’s hair re-bonding or extension, tanning or whitening, all kinds of fad diets/exercise, boob job and nose job, Botox, etc. At our generation, all these sex changes, and aesthetic surgical procedures are now acceptable as normal. When people are reacting to these topics, I tell them that it is just like going to a salon and getting a new haircut or having your nails done, like it’s no big deal at all. Sometimes when I like to tease people, I tell them that my bum and boobs are “new” and that my name before was “Cesar”…

Once in a while, my husband and I will joke at each other whenever we see people who just didn’t care about their looks or general appearance… For example, when I see pathetic women in their sweat pants, with no make up on, no bra (Oh Lord, forgive them!) and hair clipped up looking like “Maxima Lavandera”…. I tell my husband that if one unfortunate day comes and I turned to become looking like that, he has my blessing to divorce me…

The Tale of the Maid of Honor and Her Wig Made of Horror

The Tale of the Maid of Honor and Her Wig Made of Horror
June 1st, 2008

Sporting with my new sexy, sassy, inverted bob cut, and my fake tan, I couldn’t wait to see my entire family in Houston, Texas where my baby sister, Diana, is finally getting married on May 23rd at a Garden Ceremony and reception. The two main highlights of this wedding are: #1, I will be her Maid of Honor and emcee for her reception program, and #2, after so many years, I will meet again my dad and brother from the Philippines, and my relatives from all over the world. I know one thing is for sure… They all will check on me if I’m still the same HOTTIE as I was before….

HOTTIE? Sure I was! The minute I stepped out of the Houston airport on May 21st… my hottie-ness became obvious through my perspiring armpit… My sophisticated bob curled up and frizzed, and my make up started to melt…. When I popped out my mirror to do a face check, I saw a scary looking person… I DO NOT KNOW HER! The only thing I remember seeing was her horrible WIG! As I try to calm myself down in this humid and rising 95 degrees weather, my self confidence has dropped down to zero...

I was counting my days since day one, as I thought that as soon as this wedding is over, I am ready to go home to my country! Thanks to my super best cousin, Ningning (Mary Linay), she has helped me a lot to focus on the most important role of my life – The Maid of Honor!! It was not easy to focus on being the Maid of Honor when your fabulous hair has just become the WIG made of horror...

The wedding day has come…. After finishing a bottle of hairspray to make my wig “behave” and after rubbing a whole stick of anti-perspirant, I did a fabulous job on my sister’s and mom’s make up. They both look naturally beautiful and radiant. I was so proud of them. My mom did my sister’s hair and her wedding gown. The bottom line is, my sister indeed is the most beautiful bride I have ever seen.

The wedding went very well, but not as perfect as we have planned though. The strong wind was blowing like a mild hurricane, and it has delayed the start time of the garden ceremony. The music had issues and the wind blew out my sister’s long veil and crown as she was walking down the aisle. But nonetheless, the ceremony was perfect, and emotional. I didn’t have time to be emotional during this ceremony. I was busy taking pictures and making sure that no one will faint at this hot and humid weather. At this point, I really don’t care how horrible I look. The most important for me at this moment was my sister. She is the star of this day.

..My only drama after the ceremony was, I tried to stay away from the paparazzi. I have stressed my whole family as I keep hiding from the camera. One family group photo is all I can give. Obviously, my ugly wig has succeeded to rule my world that day. Every time someone will request a photo with me, I will run away! My inner voice was crying, “Go away! Leave me and ugly wig alone!!”..

After seeing our photos, I thought I looked OK and not as bad as I thought. My only conclusion is that I can never survive living in Houston. Because the truth is, my hair doesn’t fit in there.

Ganito ka rin bang mag-English?

Ganito ka rin bang mag-English?
April 14th, 2008

I had a nosebleed while reading this letter that I found in my mailbox one day. Believe me, it was harder for me to type and post this in my blog without getting a migraine afterwards.

To whoever gets to understand this letter, congratulations!

The following is a letter found at a certain bar in Manila and has been preserved in its original, unedited form. Enjoy reading and you may try direct translation in Tagalog. Please read with feelings.

Oct 2006

To Marife,

I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you why? What reason can you think about but you’re very fat body. I thought before that Dennis only use me to his toy but sooner and later I’m realize that he really can’t not beared or stomached to be with you anymore because at first, Dennis say he could not stand your habit of making pakialam all his walks (lakad) and always calling to their house what he go home or this or that.

And then he say he get ashame to me either in school or in his family and then asking you to exercise you’re very, very fat body. But you hate it. Thought you’re the most preetiest girls he knows about. What do you think you are “Beautiful Girl” of Jose Marie Chan?

Even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do not have the right to called me whatsoever or else difference name one time or the other for the real purposed to insults my personality because I’m never call you names either in the front of Dennis or in the backs of Dennis, but if you start already to call me different name, I don’t have any other choice but to call you other different name to. Like you are a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl. Shame to you’re body that is to a BUDING.

You can’t not blame Dennis for exchanging you to me because I am the more sexier that you when you look at us in the mirror. I’m repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when she is a girl.

Love,
The sexiest girl of D.M.

PS: You say that I’m the bad breathe but who is Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? And the final is me. There you go.

Source: Entertainment section of The Golden Ray Magazine

Beauty Meltdown (or just getting old?)

Beauty Meltdown (Or just getting old??)
April 10th, 2008

Ok, enough with my princess illusions and dog drama! I miss blogging and I’m back! My work in the past month or so has taken over my entire life. My hair grew long and frizzy with split ends, my scalp and skin got so dry, and here’s the worst part… I see some wrinkles forming around my eyes and some age spots on my face! Oh No!!! I can’t believe it’s happening now before my eyes… I just wanted to breakdown in tears… Am I getting old already? Somebody help me!!…

I’m convinced that I’m starting to look horrible and I am so concerned. I seriously needed Dr. Belo to unleash the “fabulousity” in me if there’s anything left… In short, I needed some extreme makeover. It’s an emergency! So I first run for help to my hairstylist to revive my crowning glory. Spackled my face with layers of anti-wrinkle, anti-blemish, anti-sun damage, anti-age spots serums, creams and moisturizers. Then had my manicure and pedicure to recover back a little of my confidence, then I realized I’m too hairy and needed to shave my legs and arms, wax my mustache, and pluck my eyebrows! Now, I can start my self tanning ritual to get my JLo glow back! Whew! That was my cheap escape to beauty makeover. I don’t need signature clothes, bags or shoes to feel fabulous. If you want to know my beauty secret, (there’s really none) I just pay attention to details from inside out. I take good care of myself big time. My hair and my shoes are a big deal for me. If I get it right, I feel like a million bucks!…

So it’s going to be my birthday on April 19th! This Friendster is so fun because it announces it to my herd of friends in my list. Let’s see who’s got the time to send me some greetings… Hmmnn? I honestly didn’t even think about my coming birthday. I’ve been travelling during my birthday for the past 6 years and I’m staying home this time. I think I’ll be 32 or 33, I really can’t remember. My real age doesn’t really matter at all to me, but what I feel inside, and guess what? I feel like I’m 23! I feel great, I feel awesome and I feel blessed!…

I remember long time ago that I thought of becoming 40 or 45 years old. I thought that if “everything goes down,” I will do everything in my power to “put it back up!” I will definitely consider Botox, eye lift, breast lift, and liposuction, to name a few procedures. I’m hoping that I won’t really need it soon or in the next 10 years or so. At least for one good reason, I feel good about myself that I still have my original spare parts working fine for me as they are supposed to. In my line of work of meeting and networking with (beautiful) people, I feel quite unique that I’m still all natural (except for my acrylic nails and occasional colored contact lenses - that’s only few of my vanity).

Princess Rumors

Princess Rumors
March 26th, 2008

I can’t believe that my client called me one time at work to ask me a very personal question… “If the rumor was true?” What rumor? “My entire team has been talking about you after you left.” Talking about me about what? ‘That you were a Philippine Princess and what are you doing working here in America?” Where did you hear that? “It was some rumor that’s going around and we wanted to know if it was true…”

This is my top client from San Antonio that I met with and entertained, calling me at work one day to confirm if I was a “Philippine Princess”??? I laughed out so loud (like boisterously evil-laugh-like) as I don’t know what to say….. What possible Philippine tribe could I be a Princess of?

Should I tell her the truth? How did she find out? Who told her? Who would have thought that? Did I wear my tiara in my presentation? Did she read my princess diaries instead of my proposals? For sure, I know I was wearing my power suit and killer stilettos in our meetings…. Did I get carried away and sung “A Whole New World”???

To everybody who knew me, you know this rumor is not true. My closest friends in Park City knew that I have moved on a long way since I got married here…. I can cook now, I can vacuum, I can do my laundry, and I can drive. In fact, I learned to paint all the rooms in my house!! So who’s the Princess now?

So to appease my client, I told her I am not a Princess…. But she was not satisfied. She asked me if I have some royal blood or from a royal family?

OK, this is getting really funny now. Is she on drugs or something? Or am I just hallucinating? I have to tell her something, so this is my story.

I am not a Princess. And I don’t have a royal blood and I didn’t come from some royalty or kingdom. But I was a former beauty queen. “Like Miss Philippines?” I said yes when I was 50 lbs lighter, and that was a long, long time ago… We just laughed it off and she was happy now. This conversation has lead to 15 more re-bookings of group meetings for me from her for 2008.

To my surprise, a couple of people in my office thought that, too, that I came from some royalty… ha-ha-ha!! Was I that prim and proper at work? Do I act like Julie Andrews?
One of my friends at work told me that I should have told this story instead (in case I get asked again)… “that I was a former Moriones Princess but I was dethroned from my kingdom when I eloped with my non-royalty lover, and now lived happily ever after in America.”

Puppy Love

Puppy Love
March 26th, 2008

Puppy Love
(Lily’s poem)

You didn’t bring me into this world
You don’t know much about me
But you still picked me to be a part of your life
You brought me home for the first time
And didn’t know what to do with me
Because all you ever wish to have was your own baby…

I may not be your own flesh and blood
And not able to take care of you when you’re old
I do not need much in life but only your love
Yet you gave me everything that I would ever want
I may not be able to say how much I love you, too, Momma
But I can see it in your eyes that you know I do…
I cherish every moment you hold me and sing to me
Everyday is a perfect day as long as you’re with me
My life is so worthwhile because I make you smile
I’m truly one lucky dog in this beautiful world
Because God made me especially for you
You are my family and the best momma for me…

When You Say Nothing At All (My song to Lily & Shilo)
By Allison Krauss…

It’s amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don’t say a thing…

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all…

All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
Old Mr. Webster could never define
What’s being said between your heart and mine

This is My Country Song
March 12th, 2008

If you think I’m a diva wannabe
In my fur collared jacket and Hollywood shades
My bling-bling belt and sky high heels
This is my country song for you…

If you think I only wear designer jeans
Carry expensive purses and drive fancy cars
Have high profile friends, you’re all wrong
This is my country song for you…

If you think I’m a lost redneck cowgirl
In my plaid shirt, cowboy hat and boots
I just love their style, but I don’t ride horses
This is my country song for you…

If you think I’m one hot career chic
A proud momma, or a domestic diva
Or crazy friend screaming at the karaoke
This is my country song for you…

It doesn’t really matter what you think of me
I just want to sing about my good old simple life
In my grandpa’s farm where I used to fly kites
That’s why I wrote my country song for you

The All American Country Girl

The All American Country Girl
March 12th, 2008

Local News: Rascal Flatts and Kellie Pickler came to entertain thousands of their fans at Salt Lake City’s Energy Solutions Arena (Former Delta Center) on Friday, March 7th. These country stars rocked the house down with their live music. It was a fun concert!…

My over imagination took me one step further in this experience: I have just officially launched my American Country Singer dream career live on stage with Kellie Pickler and the Rascal Flatts. The spot lights were warm on my skin but I still got chills and butterflies in my stomach. I was the newest country music sensation when I sang Kellie Pickler’s (American Idol’s finalist in 2006) song “Small Town Girl” on my red high heels. She’s really tiny like half my size, but she’s got a voice twice bigger than me. Then I just became the first female band member of the Rascal Flatts. I played the guitar and I felt that I was the hottest girl rock star of my time. All the screaming girls of all ages at the front row want to grab ‘em and tore off their clothes, but I said, “Sorry, desperate housewives. I’m their only woman in this concert.”…

I was in my clients’ All-Star Suite, with dinner buffet, ice cream bar and beverage flowing all night. The concert stage was just right in front of me. I was sitting right next to 3 gorgeous blondes who also left their men at home watching CSI reruns. They thought I was J. Lo in my fur collared jacket and my curvy pants. I said, “Oh no, honey, I’m All American Country Rock Star!” I pulled up my pants and showed them my stiletto cowboy boots! We were instant BFFs even for just one night! We all sung along with Kellie and the Rascals as we all know the lyrics, it was the coolest thing that I will never forget and will never be able to do with my closest friends… We got carried away and cried a tear! We danced along and screamed like foolish crazy fans. (I can’t believe I yelled with them to the Rascals, “Take your shirts off!!”) I saw my self and my life and my dreams coming true on stage right before my very eyes. I can’t describe it… I run out of words to say, but their songs are still playing in my head…. God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you… ……

Background Check: My first encounter with country music was when my sister’s boss in the Philippines asked me to shop some country music CDs for him as he can’t find any in all of the music stores back home. I first listened to it all and just fell in love with it. They are all great songwriters, and they sing their undying love for their country, their old simple life, their family, their broken hearts and the broken roads that lead them to their dreams. They talk about real life and their passion for their music, just like a story. I loved the fiddling of the violins, the sound of guitars, the beat of the drums, the different voice, and the moral of the songs. I’m now fully converted. The rest is history. The ‘promdi” is now the All American Country Girl…

Part 2: The Controversial Writer Returns to the Buzz

Part 2: The Controversial Writer Returns to The Buzz
March 8th, 2008

Part 2 Interview with Boy Abunda at The Buzz:

BA: Let’s talk about your Promdi series. Why do you write a big deal about it?

CZ: The “Promdi in America, Lost in Transition” will be the last one in this series, unfortunately. Many would think that I’m exploiting myself and think that I have low self esteem in this series. But humility is my virtue that easily gets lost. I wrote these promdi stories to remind myself everyday that I am not perfect, that I’m born with factory defects. My true life is boring and insignificant that I don’t have sad stories about hardships and broken hearts, but I can tell that I have walked in the shoes of a baker, a baby sitter, house cleaner, a waitress here in America before I found the right path to my success.

BA: Will you share your success story to your readers?

CZ: No. My success story is written by my Creator, and not me. I have nothing to be proud of because I did nothing to earn any of it. I came to this world with nothing and will leave with nothing but this memoirs in my blog.

BA: Your readers are not English Majors as you are as a writer. They might take your writings literally, like you talking to your dogs. They might think you are crazy.

CZ: I like to show my sophistication and originality as a writer. My dogs’ part in my writings plays my alter ego. My readers are not idiots to think that dogs can actually talk or think like me, and I’m sorry if they do. My readers are educated enough to appreciate my wishful thinking and my blending of reality and fantasy. It catches their attention. It makes them wonder that I’m so out of this world.

BA: Take me to your ideal holiday or vacation.

CZ: In my mind, I am in French Riviera, one of the best beaches in France, reading a book about plastic surgery, having European pastries for breakfast and staying in some fancy Chateau Villa, going to art museums to look at Monet’s and Van Gogh’s, and having dinner in Paris with the perfect view of the Ifle Tower. But in my heart, I am having pan de sal with margarine and sugar, fresh coconut, banana fritters (turon), and halo-halo, and fried fish (pritong galungong, that is!). I am in our beach house in Gasan, scribbling on my notepad to describe the gentle sound of sea water slapping on my feet while I bury my toes in the warm sand, floating on the water on my tube (salbabida) as the waves take me farther from the shore, looking up at the blue skies and the islands around me, waving at the fisherman’s boat, and looking down on the clear water and wondered how peaceful it is down there and if I can be a part of that world ….

BA: Wow, you just took me there for a minute. What do you think when you write?

CZ: I pick a character of who I want to be. I think of the words that can take me to the place where I want to be, and take my readers with me. It is my best and cheapest escape from my high-pressured job, and stressful life. It’s a very high maintenance hobby.

BA: What else do we need to know about your style as a sophisticated writer?

CZ: I’m a best actress drama queen playing my dream roles in my own writings. Roles that I may not be able to play or become in reality… like I’m a Hollywood Diva, a Country Rock Star, American Idol, America’s Top Model, Wowowee Dancer, whatever I want to be, I can be in my literary cyber world. It’s very liberating…. Best example is being a celebrity here in this interview with you.

The Controversial Writer Returns to The Buzz

The Controversial Writer Returns to The Buzz
March 6th, 2008

(You probably smiled when you saw this title!)My last posted poem created another buzz among my curious readers. They were saddened, affected and wondered what is going on with me. So Boy Abunda invited me again to guest in their show for a live one-on-one interview, as few of my readers find it very critical for me explain further my latest post.

BA: Welcome again to The Buzz. Let’s talk about you new poem “My Lonely Road to Amazing Grace.” As your reader, I’m so used to your “happy” writings. As I read this one, it choked me and made me teary-eyed a little bit. Why write something so sad all of a sudden?

CZ: I’m really flattered that you got carried away by it. I wanted to explore all possibilities as a writer. I don’t want only be known as witty and funny in my writings, which could be boring in the long run. The experience of the “sad emotion” is the main inspiration of this poem.

BA: Is this based on a personal experience?

CZ: I’d say this poem is based on my spiritual experience that I kind of dramatized in my poetry.

BA: How did you write this poem and how much time do you spend in writing?

CZ: I only wrote this poem in 10 minutes or less while eating ice cream and watching American Idol. But just like an actress, I have to internalize the emotion and sink in to the character to be able to say the lines or write effectively. That process took a while. I spend one or two nights a week writing stuffs in between laundry loads, watching TV and playing with my puppies. It’s my passion and I love it when I have a chance to do it.

BA: It is actually pretty cool that you can write creatively. It’s different from other blogs that I’ve read before. What other forms of emotions will you be writing about?

CZ: I’d like to interpret in my writings the strongest of all human emotions like love, joy, fear, and sorrow. I’m currently composing a short horror fiction right now but my wild imagination is starting to scare me. It’s about a Shih Tzu afraid of its own poop. I’m also thinking of trying erotic poetry. Lily came up with that idea, and I think it’s not bad to try. She’s only 8 months old. I have no idea how she came up with the word “erotic.”

BA: Why Amazing Grace? After your “lonely road” trip, are you there yet?

CZ: “Amazing Grace” is my favorite Christian song that made so much impact on me. It makes me shiver just thinking about it and singing it on my mind. I’ve reached the Amazing Grace land long time ago. I’m living in it and cherishing every minute of it. It’s the lonely road that made it so meaningful to me. I believe that happiness is meaningless if there is no sadness. Just like love is worthless without sacrifice.

BA: You simply stunned me there for a minute. How do you define love?

CZ: Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. (1 Cor. 13:7-8) It’s very powerful.

My Lonely Road to Amazing Grace

My Lonely Road to Amazing Grace
March 5th, 2008

“Goodbye, My Love, as I leave you, as this is the end of the road for us.”
My tears flow endlessly
My heart grows with pain
My mind can’t consume all my emotions
I have lost my hope and given up my dreams
I am nothing and worthless
I am a failure and I deserve no love from anyone

“God, crash this plane right now as I have no more reasons to live.”
My spirit is shaken
My life is meaningless
My faith is stolen
I am running out of breath
I want to die even just for a minute
I see my life shattered itself before me

“God, if you have better plans for me, then let me live.”
My face is pale and cold
My body is limp and light
My hands are shaking right now
I opened my eyesI sung my amazing grace
I heard the sweet sound that saved the wretch in me

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and future.”
Jeremiah 29:11

Promdi in America, Lost in Transition

Promdi in America, Lost in Transition
March 5th, 2008

People digging out their cars from deep snow in the middle of a frigid winter, brutal winds blowing against my cheeks, living with 16 strangers in a 3-bedroom condo, sleeping on a window loft, how could my new life in Park City, Utah be more humbling?While everybody was worried about their families they left behind in the Philippines, I was worried about surviving in a foreign country on my own. The thought of doing my own laundry and cooking terrified me. Mixing of hot & cold water in the shower stressed me. My dandruff, split-ends, chapped lips, cracked hands; my becoming stinky feet grieved me. Thanks to the inventor of the microwave, it became my instant life support.

On my first trip to Albertson’s Grocery, I was simply looking for something similar to our “Tasty Bread” and “Ques-o” cheese in the Philippines. Their bread aisle drove me crazy! I have never seen hundred kinds of breads in my life: white, wheat, multigrain, their honey versions, potato, rye, sour bread, baguette, French, bagel with different flavors, etc. The cheese section was even more insane: cheddar, mild and sharp, Swiss, American, ½, Philadelphia, Neuchatel, Pepper Jack, Monterey, string, Mexican mix, (but no Philippine cheese to my surprise!) not to mention the stinky cheeses, bleu, feta, brie, etc. Could life be any more complicated for me? I just want to eat, period.

While I learn more about the American culture through my first hand encounters, the Americans were learning more about me as I speak with my exotic accent. So I grew up with a nanny, I have never washed dishes in my life; I have never washed my own clothes and didn’t know how to iron, never cooked, never used the vacuum, and never had to drive. They were curious from what kingdom on Earth did I come from!

The daily news in the Philippines was about bank robberies, massacres, gang rapes, murders and homicides, bomb threats and political rallies. That was normal. The news in Park City is more exciting: Deer crossing Main Street caused traffic as tourists took pictures, ski patrol helicopter saved moose stocked in snow, major storm hits Park City as skiers flood the mountains and hotel rooms, leather belt or cell phone found in the parking lot, lost dog or dogs looking for love, yard sale and $3M home for sale.

I was working at a Front Desk in a hotel but like everybody else I needed a second job to survive and live decently. I cleaned a few houses, did baby sitting, bussed in the restaurants, and served in banquets. But the most humbling of all was when I worked in Albertson’s Bakery in the closing shift. I sprayed wash tons of baking pans, cleaned grease on all working tables, and used a push broom that was taller than me. I had horrible burns on my hands and arms from the oven while loading and unloading French breads. But the most fun part of this job was advertising my products on the store’s intercom, “Fresh French bread now available.” It was simple but it was a tongue twister for me. I just can’t say it right.

I’ve made good friends and few cash in Park City. I travelled around the country to visit my relatives from the west to the east coast. I became a Christian (Baptist) along the way. I’ve been challenged to look for a better job and better life, as I searched for my Mr. Right at the same time.

But God led me back to Utah to be blessed by His power in His creation of this place full of magnitude and beauty that I refused to see. Utah is indeed the most beautiful state that I’ve ever seen. This is where I learned to live life with humility, and learned the value of hard earned money. I carried this value with me when I returned back home to the Philippines. Little did I know, there’s a greater purpose that was unknown for me at that time, which God has yet to reveal.

Detrimental Blogger

Detrimental Blogger
February 15th, 2008

About two weeks ago, I started blogging here in Friendster and I honestly did not know what I was doing. I had mixed awful feelings about it. I was very nervous of what I say about me and my past experiences. I was curious about what my closest friends and family would think of me. Should I keep going and remain passionate in my blogging, or should I just have to find something better to do like teach my dogs to sing ABC? What if my parents would come across this and find out that I used to drink Red Horse using a straw? Will my father be mad at me and disown me forever, or maybe he’ll buy me a round of drink with spicy sisig on the side? What if people think that I’m exposing too much of myself in the cyber world and that they hate my guts? What if I’m just wasting people’s time as they read my non-sense posts? So many questions and confusions have terrified me that I did not sleep and did not take a shower for a week. I asked myself, “What is this stupid thing that I’ve done?” To calm my self down and before I shave my head, I thought I better research more on blogging to make sure that I’m not putting my stinky foot in my mouth here in front of my beloved family and friends. I went online and I found some helpful tips, guidelines, and interesting rules that I’m tempted to break.

I could potentially become a professional writer after college if I only pursued it. So if I became a journalist, I will write something like this: “Utah is magnificent this winter.” But as an amateur blogger, I can write something like this: “This winter is killing me. Shoveling snow in our driveway almost every night is driving me crazy. This has been the worst winter for me in the past 6 years that I lived here in Utah. But what I love about it is when I wake up in the morning to a bright blue sky, a shimmering blanket of snow covering our deck, the smell of crisp clean air, and the perfect view of the beautiful Wasatch Mountain in the backdrop… where else in the world would I want to be and see something so spectacular!”

In the blog writing article, it was emphasized that I should feel free to say what I want to say and give my honest opinions. That’s really not my cup of tea. It only confused me as there were no clear warnings on honesty. Should I be writing what’s really going on in my head? That’s very dangerous. So if I was a fashion critic, I will write: “She wears a seductively low plunging neckline.” But in my blog, I can write: “I can’t believe I’ve ever seen such long boobs in my life!” If I will write an editorial, I’d say: “There are more effeminate men out there in the work force.” But in my blog, I can write: “Hold your horses, ladies and gentlemen, give way to these closet drag queens taking over!” At work, if I’m emailing a client, I will write: “Please keep us in mind for your next meeting. I hope you’ll consider bringing your conference to our resort in the future.” In my blog, I can write: “Are you insane? You must be kidding me. You’re a pain in the butt!” And if I was consoling a friend, I will write to her: “You don’t deserve all these loneliness and pain that you are going through with this man. How long do you have to be in this misery?” In my blog, I can write: “Quit being a pathetic loser! You can shoot yourself or kick his balls and leave the devil in hell!” You see, honesty in blogging is just ridiculous and it won’t work for me.

But what really caught my attention in my research is that I need to be funny and should amuse my readers, and that I should not take myself too seriously. Well, that’s even tougher… I’m going to have a hard time on this one. I now realized that blogging is not for me after all. I’m too boring with nothing much going on and nothing fun to say. Well, I guess it’s time for me to move on and change careers… I decided I’ll just become a “misfortune teller.” Anybody out there who wants to know their next bad luck?

Literary Criticism: The Author and Her Blogs

Literary Criticism: The Author and Her Blogs
February 13th, 2008

The author of these blogs uses a contemporary expressionist literary art form through blogging. She attempts to portray the inner workings of her mind by effectively allowing her readers’ mental states to stimulate through her poetic presence in the cyber world, whether she wants to make us fall in love in her poetry or fall from our seat in her comedy. The author used her own comical character through her subordinated representation of her emotional and visionary experiences, and exhibited a profound disillusionment of her self and the world that she is in.

The author has successfully brought me into her own world, may it be purposely or accidentally. Her innocent sense of humor was evident through her stories from her childhood to her young adult life. She is absolutely a beautiful woman but in her writings she portrays contrasting images of her self as a transvestite, aswang, or kuba, etc. I am convinced that this is her way of showing her creative imagination while still exampling humility. Even her blog’s main title, “Legacy of my Foot Prints,” announces that she has remained grounded.

In her newest post, “The Buzz Interview,” She has created her own fantasy here of becoming a celebrity being interviewed and intrigued somehow by her own blogs. While reading it (and laughing) to my self, I have unconsciously engaged myself in this plain conversation and have related somehow to the characters of the interviewers. This was simple but effective way of her to communicate to her friends commenting on her blogs.

I may or may not personally know this author, I may be her close friend or just a Friendster passer-by who became her fanatic blog reader. I admired her for her boldness in exposing herself to criticism and ridicule. But technically, she’s got talent and she’s fearless to unleash the true artist in her through her writings. Her artistic passion, personal liberty, and self-expression through her blogs reveal that she could empower herself to become any character she wants to be. For example, she has mentioned in the interview that she’s like Booba and Volta in real life. So, is she really? Or did I just get carried away by her imagination?

The Buzz Interview

The Buzz Interview
February 12th, 2008

My blogs became an overnight sensation among my friends and some passers by in Friendster. Many were entertained, some have related to my stories, and few were intrigued… So I was invited by Boy Abunda, Christie Fermin and Ruffa Gutierrez who read through it, too, and wanted to interview me about my blogs, peoples’ violent reactions, outrageous comments and messages that I’ve been receiving.

Boy: Czarina, welcome to The Buzz. The reason why we invited you here today in our show is because some of your blog fans have different reactions and comments about your writings. Hilig mo ba talaga itong magsulat?

CZ: I was English Major in college, and I always had the passion to write. I am also gifted with sense of humor. I recently found an opportunity blogging here in Friendster, simply to connect with my friends. At first, I thought it will be a good practice for me. But I didn’t expect at all that I could catch people’s attention.

Christie: Ang daming natatawa at meron ding nabubwisit sa mga blogs mo. Anong masasabi mo dito?

CZ: Ang masasabi ko lang po sa mga natutuwa ay salamat. Sa mga nabu-bwisit ay salamat din. It only means that my blogs are effective and it is stimulating their minds and emotions whether they know me personally or not, or whether they think that my writing is a talent, or whether they think na wala lang akong magawa.

Ruffa: I’m just curious about your promdi blogs. You have highlighted about your being promdi looking, and baduy. I don’t see that at all in your pictures now. You also have received comments from your old friends na parang gandang ganda sila sa’yo ngayon. Bakit parang shocked sila sa bagong hitsura mo ngayon? Pangit ka ba dati?

CZ: Actually isa akong “kuba” dati…. Medyo duling, mahaba ang baba at may bigote! I admit I did some extreme makeover over the years that I lived here in America. Since I can’t afford to pay plastic surgeons, I decided to submit myself to some medical students na kailangang mag-practice ng cosmetic surgery para libre. So yun, successfully, eto na ako ngayon.
Boy: I received a message from one of your blog fan to ask you kung ikaw daw yung na-rape at yung nag-drugs nung college?

CZ: Baka hindi ko blog yung nabasa nya, or baka sya yung naka drugs at hindi naintindihan ang kwento ko.… What I mentioned in my blog was maraming nire-rape noong panahon na nagka-college ako. Wala pong masamang nangyari sa akin noon.

Christie: Anong gusto mo pang ibahagi sa mga readers mo ngayong nakuha mo na ang attention nila? Paano kung may maka-discover sa’yo and may mag offer sa’yo na magsulat sa magazines or newspapers?

CZ: I have a lot of things in mind that I wanted to write about, mostly funny stories based on my own experiences with other people and general views in life hopefully to inspire, na pwede ding haluan ng konting drama and excitement that my readers can relate to. Actually, someone has already offered me a job to write in Tiktik Magazine, but I turned down the offer. Mahirap din kayang mag-imbento ng kwento doon, tsaka maliit lang ang sweldo. Kailangan ko ng malaking kita ngayon lalo na at mahal na ang dog food. Itong si Lily, kumekerengkeng na at gusto ng mag make up at nagpapabili na ng cellphone!

Ruffa: I love your dogs! They are so adorable and sweet! Si Venice and Lorin, for a long time now, they’ve been asking me “Mom, when are you going to get us a puppy?” They are so in love with Lily! Pwedeng akin na lang si Lily?

CZ: Ano ka, hilo? Bumili ka kaya ng sarili mong aso, ‘no?
Boy: Kung isasapilikula ang buhay mo, sino ang gusto mong gumanap ng character mo? At bakit?
CZ: Si Rufa Mae Quinto, or si Ai-ai De Las Alas, kasi may pagka-Booba at Volta po ako in real life.

Christie: Nakakatawa ka! Napaihi tuloy ako sa’yo! Pwede kang maging comedian sa mga comedy bars!

CZ: Nagawa ko na yan dati pa… kaya lang mas maraming sumikat na mga bading na mas sexy kesa sa’kin, kaya nalaos na lang ako…. Kaya nagba-blog na lang ako ngayon.

Ruffa: Thanks again for coming to our show. One last request na lang. Pwedeng akin na lang si Lily? I promise I will feed her the best food, give her the best cell phone and make up…. Sige na, yehey!!!

CZ: Bakit ba ang kulit mo? Sabi ng hindi pwede, eh?

Disclaimer: This is only a fiction. But I run out of English and not able to translate it. Sorry.

Our Love Story

Our Love Story
February 9th, 2008

I met Ronald in 1995 at the Peninsula. He was my best friend and the "kuya" that I never had. We’ll be celebrating our 6th year wedding anniversary this year. I wrote this poem for him two Christmases ago. I want to share this to all of you in the spirit of Valentine’s Day! This is THE BEST POEM I have ever written in my life, and this is OUR LOVE STORY.

RONALD (Our Love Story)

When I met you the first time I only knew,
That you were just one of the nice guys among the few.
But as time goes by you became my friend,
And I trusted you for your kindness and gentleness.
I may have a special place in your heart since then but I never guessed…
Maybe because I was thinking that all we can ever be is just friends.

It must have been God’s plan that He put you in my path,
Early enough in my life that I never realized…
Until one special winter day that I will never forget
How love came by softly between us and how you took away my breath.
I remember when I was young I thought I knew myself too well
That I’m just like that song “When I fall in love, it will be forever…”

Somehow at first I had some doubts about my feelings for you
That I have to give myself time to believe if this is really true…
Farther and longer that I was away from you I was praying
For God’s sign that He really meant me for you…
I have been here and there wishing for my one true love only to know…
That my heart was taken long time ago and it already belonged to you!!!

So our special relationship began with a blissful celebration
With family and friends around wishing us both well…
I gave up all my trust in God that our marriage will be blessed
By many, many fruitful years and forever it will last.
Time came by and came by quick and few trials we have passed…
Many dreams we have achieved together and still many more dreams to catch!!

Today I want to tell you how much I have cherished you over the years…
You’re not only my husband, best friend, and soul mate but my partner in joy and tears.
Thank you for the laughter and giggles you give me each morning that makes my day…
Thank you for appreciating little and big things I do and don’t do everyday…
These past years I have looked back and even though our life isn’t nearly perfect
I thank God that at the end of the day I am wrapped in your arms as my warm blanket!!!

I pray to God this Christmas and New Year be more special for you and me…
It’s not the material gifts that count but how strong our love for each other became to be.
I only ask God will bless us with happier, healthier and wealthier years together.
I look forward to seeing all our dreams coming true as we grow older.
But I have a special wish in my heart today and I pray God will bless us, too…
All I really want for Christmas is a mini-me or a mini-you…
With all my heart, and all my mind and all my soul, forever and ever… I love you!!!

Czarina Trinidad
December 25, 2005

The Best Days of my Life at the Peninsula 1995-1999

The Best Days of my Life at the Peninsula 1995-1999
February 9th, 2008

My very first career venture after college was at the front office of the beautiful Peninsula Manila Hotel as a receptionist and cashier. I was only 20 years old then and coming from St. Scho, my new officemates perceived me as a super conservative “manang,” (old lady) as if I came out of a convent (later on, they found out they were wrong. Ha-ha-ha!!). I’ve been criticized by the way I walked like a tomboy in high heels and in our fuschia pink uniform. After duty, people made fun of my choice of outfits: my high waisted baggy faded jeans and floral printed long sleeved blouses, and my promdi hairdo full of hairpins and gigantic ribbons. Covering up my promdi accent with the Manilenea twang, it didn’t take me very long to develop lasting friendship with these people who made such impact in young life. I was genuinely kind to all and was immediately accepted as my jolly, happy, “kenkoy” (funny) and “vaklita” (gayish) self. I called everybody Tito and Tita, and gave some fun nicknames to few.

I can’t enumerate all my fun experiences I had gained in those years. To highlight some of my foolishness at the front desk: I had joked to a guest that the white mouse he saw in the hall way was his room attendant. I made a guest upset when I told him that cockroaches were very sacred in the Philippines and that he could be arrested by killing one in his room. I have scared away some guests who would ask to date me and told them weird stuffs like I was a transvestite, or a lesbian… or that I came from Siquijor from a family of blood-sucking aswangs… I have successfully turned them off.

My most treasured moments were hanging out with my Pen friends after work, whether it’s after 3pm or 11pm. We’d go to short trips to Antipolo or Tagaytay, or go to some beach resorts in Cavite or Batangas. Sometimes we’ll just hang out in Makati Ave, or Pasay Road, or Harbor View to have cocktails during happy hour. Through these years, I have learned to eat sisig, gambas and bopis. I was always present in all the wild birthday parties and pool parties. In fact, I’ve been thrown to the pool a couple of times. I also became good friends with Mr. Cuervo, and sipped Red Horse using a straw!! In some few occasions, I’ve had private conversations with the toilet bowl as if someone was down there and I swore not to intoxicate myself ever again.
I will always cherish our activities during the Pen’s anniversary parties. I danced hip hop with the Bell Boys, hosted the Mr. Pogi and Ms. Peninsula pageant, sang live in a band (Aaron, remember?), won in a group dance contest (who were with me in this?), and for the very first time, I lost in the Ms. Peninsula beauty pageant where I didn’t win any award!! How could that ever happen? I remember my mom almost protested!!

I also blossomed during this time at the Pen, both socially and romantically!! I became very comfortable communicating and expressing myself while dealing with people of different personalities and cultural backgrounds. Aside from having the best group of friends EVER and the best times of my life, I’ve had few crushes and dated some interesting ones. But who would have thought that I would meet here the man who was to become my husband? Ronald Trinidad (FO Supervisor and Cashier, indeed!!), he was my best friend and the kuya (elder brother) that I never had. I called him “Tito Ronald” and gave him a pet name “Titit.” (I still call him that until now. He-he-he!!!) I can never forget when I broke his heart at Tia Maria in Greenbelt!! (He swore he’ll bring me back to this place one day!!) I was clueless that we will be destined for each other… On April 20, 2002, in Park City, Utah, we vowed to be together forever.

To you all my good old Peninsula friends who are keeping in touch with me here in Friendster, I still do remember our MARCH 28, 2008 date!!!! Ten years ago in Munting Buhangin Beach Resort, we made a vow to meet again at the Peninsula’s Service Entrance on March 28, 2008 at 6pm…. Thanks for the reminders, Tony, Eric and Lally!! I won’t be there in my manang floral printed blouse (ha-ha-ha!!!), but I will be there in my bonggacious and gorgeolicious spirit cheering with you all… Can someone please order me some sizzling sisig and a Red Horse with a straw, please??

Haunted by my Childhood Nickname

Haunted by my Childhood Nickname
February 5th, 2008

Once upon a time, a cute baby girl was born at 9 ½ lbs, with curly hair, big dark eyes and humungous fat legs. She was loved by her family. She learned to talk and bubbled her first words. It was not mama, or papa or dada, but “budi… budi-budi!” She said it over and over. Her family was so proud of it and thought it was so funny and adorable, so they nicknamed her “Budi-Budi.” She liked playing bintol, tumbang lata, taguan, luksong tinik, sungkaan, jackstone and Chinese garter. She went to the tabing ilog to swim, caught some tipaklong and tutubi in the parang, took a bath in the rain, threw stones at the buyuko at their backyard, and drowned to death her neighbor’s chicks in the tub. She also liked listening to radio dramas like Simatar and Lovingly Yours, etc. while her yaya was making suyod all her kuto from her frizzy hair. And she grew up to become a fine lady and she lived happily ever after. End of story.

Well, it turned out that my life is not a fairy tale at all. “Budi-budi” was my stinky cute nickname until I was 10 years old. When I moved to ICC in Boac (1985-1988), I was Czarina Aileen Palomares to my classmates. I thought that sounded really good and hoped that people will just call me Czarina. But I moved back to my home town of Sta. Cruz and continued my high school at SCI, and I was back to being called “Budi” again.

Just like any kid, I was called many names growing up. I was known for my big round eyes, so I was called “Bulaga.” In ICC, they called me Owl or Full Moon. Some bullies have called me Aling Buding or Budang. I got in so many troubles because boys teased me with my nickname.
I thought I could get rid of my “promdi” nickname in college, but my friends heard my Tita Moonette (she was a Music Professor at St. Scho) called me “Budi” in school. Since then, my friends in college called me Boodie, or Boods!

I kept asking my self, why am I called “Budi” or “Boodie" when I have such a beautiful name “Czarina?” (FYI, Czarina is a Russian name for an Empress or Queen, or wife of the Czar.) Why didn’t my parents give me girly nicknames like my friends Twinkle, Misty, or Charry? Or royal names like Queenie or Princess? Or even door bell names like Ning-ning, Bing-bing or Ching-ching? Or I could be simply called Cza-Cza, Rina, Czar or Yna? My Park City, Utah friends have re-named me “Charing.” Well, at least that sounds like a door bell, or more like an old telephone ring.

Budi could pass for a name of an ugly pet dog. It could also be an ideal name for a big bellied, full bearded man who is a sweaty and smelly construction worker, with a beer on the left hand, and a cigarette on the right. Lastly, “Boodie or booty” here in America sounds like the slang word for "butt” or “ass.” Need I say more?

The truth is, I literally tried to kill my promdi nickname thousands of times and I’m not denying it now. Charry Red was right in her comments in my profile that “I had amnesia of my origin,” when I did not or won’t turn my back when she called me “Budi” in Greenbelt. Deep inside me, I was ashamed of my nickname.

I thought I have buried it but it keeps haunting me like an ugly mystery ghost of the past. But I guess, Budi or Boodie is still so alive and well to the memory of my hometown friends. My family and all of my relatives and cousins still call me that, whether I’m their Ate or Tita now. It looks like it won’t go away very soon. Did I remain a child in their mind? Didn’t they think that I finally grew up? Or do you all just think that it’s just stinkin’ cute?
Well, to appease you all, I finally realized that it doesn’t really matter what you all call me now. Boodie, or Charing, or Czarina. I’m still your old friend, and still the same small town girl promdi province.

Memoirs of a Promdi Collegiala (1991-1995)

Memoirs of a Promdi Collegiala (1991-1995)
February 4th, 2008

How can I forget my very first year in St. Scholastica’s College? In June 1991, Mt. Pinatubo erupted and showered ashes all over Manila. Everyday in the tabloids and TV, there were news of college girls being kidnapped and gang raped, then found dead. When it was typhoon season, it will rain and flood in Leon Guinto and San Antonio, Makati where I lived. There were snatchers, hold-uppers, and sex perverts around the St. Scho block, and in the jeeps that I would take to and from school. There were young boys from Benilde and La Salle with St. Scho girls smoking cigarettes, and kissing and petting outside our campus. There were lesbians and gays doing the same thing. There were fumes and pollution in the busy streets full of cars, jeeps and busses. There were stinky garbage and manholes I have to watch out while walking and scary beggars following me on the side of the roads. IT WAS A TOTAL CULTURE SHOCK FOR ME. I knew right away that I will miss my simple life promdi province.

So I tried getting used to the “city” life eventually. As a promdi, going to the malls are the most fun experience for me. With my cousins or new found friends, we’d go to Rustan’s, Landmark and Greenbelt on weekends just to stroll around. I loved the smell of the air conditioning when I come inside. I liked looking at display windows. I liked riding the escalators and elevators. I couldn’t really afford to shop in the nice stores as I didn’t have enough money. In the mall, my favorite store was National Bookstore. I could hang out here and check out books the whole day. We’d go watch movies after window shopping. I liked Filipino drama a lot. I already made sure I have tissue with me as I expect to get carried away by sad scenes. After the movie, and if I have enough money, I’d go eat at McDonalds or Jolibee. Sometimes, all I could afford was a piece of Dunkin Donut. A few times, I’d go shopping in Divisoria or Baclaran with my Ate Donna. That was really fun. For P100 or $200, I’d have some really nice outfit and purse.

Here’s my ultimate promdi moment that I will never forget. I went shopping in SM Megamall & Robinson’s area by myself one Saturday afternoon. I was in a major crossing road at EDSA. There were lots of busses and jeeps, and pedestrians on all sides of the streets. I ended up at the wrong side and didn’t walk fast enough to the pedestrian lane, so I just crossed the highway and I almost got hit and run by these busses. I ended up in the middle lane holding on to a post and the railing and busses passed me right at my back. Looking down was another road full of cars and busses. If you are familiar in this crossing road, you knew that there was a “traffic announcer” hiding somewhere with a microphone who would yell at people to go or not to go in any side of the road. The “traffic announcer” was saying loudly, “Hoy Miss na nakapula, wag kang tatalon dyan! Wag kang magpapakamatay! Sayang ang ganda mo!” (Hey, Ms. Beautiful, don’t jump! Don’t kill your self. Don’t waste your life!) Little did I know, he was yelling at me in public and I didn’t know where this voice was coming from. People looked at me laughing until I could cross safely to the other side of the road. Well, that was NOT YET the most humiliating moment of my life. I crossed again to the next street and somehow I ended up in a No Jaywalking side of the road as I was following some people. Long story short, I was picked up by a policeman with a bunch of jaywalkers in tow in a police car and brought to their police station in Mandaluyong. Guess what? I was put in jail for an hour and had to sing “Bayang Magiliw” (Lupang Hinirang, our National Anthem) in front of people because I had no $200 to bail myself out. That was the most humiliating promdi moment of my life!!. Malay ko baga kung ano yaang Jay Walking na yan. Wala namang ganyan sa Marinduque. (I didn’t know what Jay walking means as we don’t have that in our province). I can’t believe at what just happened to me. I told this traffic and jail encounter story to my Tita Moonette while crying and laughing at the same time. She almost peed in her pants laughing. But she never believed this story.

After many more colorful good and bad experiences, I finally graduated college on time in March 1995. I didn’t get raped or kidnapped or killed. I didn’t get pregnant. I didn’t run away with a boyfriend, and didn’t have one at all. I didn’t do drugs. I didn’t drown in the flood. I didn’t get hit and run by cars and busses in the streets. I didn’t stay very long in jail. Yet nobody believed me on this experience. I’m just glad that I survived! And was proud that I was able to manage my life on my own in Manila. My mom and dad were the proudest parents in the world when I graduated. My dad finally gave me my full independence after graduation. He said I can do now whatever I wanted to do with my life.

Confession of a Pure Promdi

Confession of a Pure Promdi
February 3rd, 2008

So my Friendster’s “About Me” says “I am a FABULOUS PINAY born with Stilettos.” That wasn’t really true if you knew me like my old friends and classmates in Sta. Cruz, Marinduque. In fact, I have humble beginnings like all of you. I was never fabulous or never born with stilettos (there was no such thing there!). I am writing this blog for one good reason: I want all my friends out there to really understand me from the very beginning. Why I am such the way I am… Guess what? I was a promdi, still a promdi and forever a promdi at heart, and very proud of it. (Promdi is from English words "From The" as from the phrase "From The Province").

Being raised in Sta. Cruz, Marinduque by two strict parents was not an accident at all for me. I can’t blame my parents at all. For them, I was the prettiest of all kids my age, and that I deserve all the comfort in life. I lived in a big house and had my own yaya to clean up after me. Anybody who knew me growing up may have thought that I was one lucky girl… popular, pampered, and had lots of admirers.

But it was not the case for me… I also had my own share of insecurities. I felt I had a lot of limitations socially. I can’t do this and I can’t do that. Living in a small community in our province, people talk about people all the time. So in that given situation, my parents became strict to me because they won’t allow me to be the talk of the town especially in a negative way. So I was prim and proper all the time whenever I was around people, whether at church, birthdays, weddings, funerals and town fiestas. I can’t have suitors or boyfriend. I can’t be seen in any provocative behavior in public. I can’t go to all parties. I have a 10PM curfew when they’d allow me to party a couple of times, or I can’t be home too late for any school activities. I can go on and on for all the things that I can’t do just because I can’t, or because my parents won’t let me.

My parents expected me only to bring honor in our family. I was never the valedictorian or the first honor in my class. In fact, I was compared to them a number of times by my father and it made me even more insecure deep inside. I thought I was never good enough. But that didn’t stop me in trying to please them and give honor to them in any way I can.

I was always part of any Sagala (Mayflower Festival) in Marinduque. You name it, I’ve been one since I was 5 years old, may it be in Sta. Cruz, Boac or Gasan. I was very artistic and competitive. I joined piano recitals, local theater arts presentations & variety shows, choir and dance competitions, a few quiz bees, declamation contests, and beauty pageants. Not to mention, I was a volleyball varsity player in high school. I was “Miss” of all occasions, from Ms. Rizal Day, Ms. SCI, to Ms. Sta Cruz, Ms. Copper Queen Jaycees, etc. I knew I had talent and I was privileged on my way to have a “life of a promdi princess.” My mom dressed me up, brushed up my hair and put on make up. People admired me whether I was on a float or just walking to school or church. Not many girls in my generation had all this kind of exposure and experience. In short, I made my parents somehow proud of me in my own little way. I may not have brought them medals of honor but I brought home some talent awards and somehow, I became the pride and joy of our family. On my 18th birthday, my parents gave me the most fabulous debut party that any girl would ever want.

I do have one thing that I didn’t become when I was growing up in Sta. Cruz. This is really funny and I wish people knew. I didn’t tell anyone about this even my mom, and I should have. I’ve always wanted to be a lead majorette of our school and town parades. I could see my self pulling that off really well. From wearing that mini bloomer skirt to those high thigh boots. When it was time for our school to pick the majorettes, I will always prepare myself. I made sure I was pretty and that my legs were flawless, and that I could lift up my knees up to my waist. All my friends have become one but me. I would ask myself, what was wrong with me or my legs?

So it was time to move on to Manila to pursue my college education. My parents wanted me to go to an exclusive for girls school, St. Scholastica’s College. No boys, no problem. They wanted me to concentrate in school and finish on time. At first, mixing up with all these Manilenias and other promdi intimidated me. I was not in my own comfort zone anymore. There were many girls now who are prettier and more talented than me. I was no longer the popular one that I used to be. I was very conservative and 101% manang na manang and promdi looking from head to toe. There were two kinds of groups that I could hang out with: pretty girls who were liberal and smoke cigarettes after school to hang out with their boyfriends from Benilde and La Salle, or simple girls who were fun but nerds who would hang out in our library. Should I become one of the pretty girls with cute boys in tow and forget my promdi-hood, or should I remain my manang self and be one of the nerds? It was not the hardest decision to make. My chosen friends from St. Scho, you know who you are because you are laughing now while reading this. You all made my exciting college life most fun and memorable. And I thank you that I didn’t have to change my ways at all because you have accepted me as a pure blooded promdi.

In my heart, I was just one normal girl promdi province. I walked to school or took the tricycle, or had jeep service when I was in ICC, or took the jeep when I was in St. Scho. I moved schools many times during my elementary and high school days. Main reason - I was not too friendly especially to some boys in my class. I was a tomboy, mean and suplada to some, and troublesome to others. If you were one of the boys that I had punched or so, I made sure we were good friends at the end of the school year. I had a rough time growing up, too, and just like every other promdi. After all these years, I still my have Marinduque accent. “Ano baga ari? Ngani, baya, mandin.” Actually, even my husband has caught my accent. He’d ask me, “Honey, nandini baga yung kwan ay?” I’d say, “Naryan laang mandin yun ay. Tingni baya maigi!!” (Sorry, that’s hard to translate in English.)