Defending Ms. Witty

Defending Ms. Witty
August 15th, 2008

I have to admit. I don’t know where I got my witty piece of mind from. I have made some people upset or worried, or made some laugh out loud when my mouth is loaded with witty one liners. But I can’t help it, it just comes out naturally. Friends, I should not be taken seriously because I am just being my playful self.

Last night I made a friend worried when I said “You’re in trouble and I can’t talk right now but later after I have a bottle of wine…” in a serious tone of voice. I learned my lesson and I’m glad someone gave me a dose of my own medicine.

Work Scenario:A couple of weeks ago, when I first tried the new Cheetos Cheddar Jalapeno (You have to try it!!) and offered it to my officemates, I said to them “Try it, it’s better than sex!” They immediately lightened up and took a handful in their mouth, seriously. All it means to me is it’s worth all the calories.

When I lost a big client for a super low rate in Park City, I said “they’re a bunch of whores!” My boss heard me and asked me if I was sick that day. I wasn’t. I was just trying to make myself feel better as a loser.

When I asked my boss in our meeting that I need to be competitive in my market, I said “It’s about time to prostitute myself to get some serious business.” All eyes were on me. My boss told me to be the best prostitute I can be. I asked her if she was sick. And she was.
I lost a couple of big groups last week. I told my admin, “I’m gonna go home now and cry all night, but I’ll try to pass by the bar and have a couple BJ shots.” Friends, I really don’t drink. But I’ll have a glass of White Zinfandel.

Public and Private Scenario:When I need to go potty in a restaurant, I asked the waiter, “Where’s your MALE restroom?” The poor, confused waiter couldn’t speak… I couldn’t say much either.

Some people ask me what kind of work out do I do is to keep my “hot” figure, I said “pole and cage dancing in my French maid outfit, fish net stockings and hooker shoes.” Well, I only have the hooker shoes, but I don’t do and don’t have the rest… But I like grooving with my Hip Hop Abs video.

About a month ago, my husband told me that someone had asked him if my brother was my husband and if he was my son… I said, “Honey, this woman is a psychopath and has escaped from the mental ward.” I don’t really mean that. Or maybe I do. She’s definitely insane.
When my hubby “burps downward”, I don’t shy away but I ask him, “Honey, are you trying to seduce me? ‘Coz I’m so turned on right now…” Come on, I don’t think so.