Junked and Spammed
August 25th, 2008
This is Czarina’s clone again. I can’t disregard this freaky behavior anymore. Czarina was last seen injecting giant mugs of caffeine in her bloodstream for days now, sniffing cheeseburgers and French fries, and eating lots of junk lately like a wild pig…. She’s been working late last week, and not working out at all. After heavy partying last weekend and swearing over a slob of cassava cake while her eyes rolled to ecstasy…. she went home with an over-bulged two-pack tummy, looked at her mirror and broke down. I had no pity for her. She seriously needs someone to whip her bottom and someone to talk herself out on “being-out-of-control-diva” these past days. HELP!!! Someone please lock her down in her basement, handcuff her with Barbie’s pink furry handcuffs and put a strawberry-flavored glittery masking tape over her junk-food-craving mouth! And if she ever begs for food again, let her cry until her water-proof mascara runs off her face with her green contact lenses…. Feed her only okra, ampalaya, and talong and other vegetables that she calls “crap!”
One thing that she has been dealing with this week was missing last month her friend’s email regarding an alarming health condition of another close friend. How could she ignore that with the thousands of spam emails her personal email gets everyday… Her yahoo inbox folder says she has 217 emails, and her spam folder has 2878 over a week period! Lately, she was weary and endlessly receiving sexually seductive email offers like male enhancement, Viagra, breast enlargement, adult toys, even transgender or sex change discounts and buy-1-get-1 free exotic Latino lap dance deals (which she won’t mind right now)…
This weekend, she received another weird invitation in her mailbox for someone’s wedding. I’d have to confirm that she didn’t write this one… Sad but true, but here’s what it says…..
You are regretfully invited
To the wedding between my perfect son,
The DoctorAnd someCheap Two-Bit Tramp
Whose name escapes me right now.
The biggest disaster in myFamily’s history will take place at
9PM on Saturday, September 8th
And no doubt end in divorce.
Hopefully in time to still be eligible for an annulment.
The overwhelmingly disappointing heartbreak of a ceremony
Will be followed by dinner, where nuts will be served
Because whatsherface has an allergy.
Here’s the picture as evidence.
August 25th, 2008
This is Czarina’s clone again. I can’t disregard this freaky behavior anymore. Czarina was last seen injecting giant mugs of caffeine in her bloodstream for days now, sniffing cheeseburgers and French fries, and eating lots of junk lately like a wild pig…. She’s been working late last week, and not working out at all. After heavy partying last weekend and swearing over a slob of cassava cake while her eyes rolled to ecstasy…. she went home with an over-bulged two-pack tummy, looked at her mirror and broke down. I had no pity for her. She seriously needs someone to whip her bottom and someone to talk herself out on “being-out-of-control-diva” these past days. HELP!!! Someone please lock her down in her basement, handcuff her with Barbie’s pink furry handcuffs and put a strawberry-flavored glittery masking tape over her junk-food-craving mouth! And if she ever begs for food again, let her cry until her water-proof mascara runs off her face with her green contact lenses…. Feed her only okra, ampalaya, and talong and other vegetables that she calls “crap!”
One thing that she has been dealing with this week was missing last month her friend’s email regarding an alarming health condition of another close friend. How could she ignore that with the thousands of spam emails her personal email gets everyday… Her yahoo inbox folder says she has 217 emails, and her spam folder has 2878 over a week period! Lately, she was weary and endlessly receiving sexually seductive email offers like male enhancement, Viagra, breast enlargement, adult toys, even transgender or sex change discounts and buy-1-get-1 free exotic Latino lap dance deals (which she won’t mind right now)…
This weekend, she received another weird invitation in her mailbox for someone’s wedding. I’d have to confirm that she didn’t write this one… Sad but true, but here’s what it says…..
You are regretfully invited
To the wedding between my perfect son,
The DoctorAnd someCheap Two-Bit Tramp
Whose name escapes me right now.
The biggest disaster in myFamily’s history will take place at
9PM on Saturday, September 8th
And no doubt end in divorce.
Hopefully in time to still be eligible for an annulment.
The overwhelmingly disappointing heartbreak of a ceremony
Will be followed by dinner, where nuts will be served
Because whatsherface has an allergy.
Here’s the picture as evidence.
Here’s Czarina’s Stolen Shot (taken by my official photographer and friend, Nikon Omero) from last night’s party after swallowing a slob of cassava cake while she’s still high… (looks like Angelica Panganiban, the bitchy contrabida in Iisa Pa Lamang!!)
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