My Blah Moment of the Day - Service Engine Soon

I'm going to welcome the new year later....

Last night as my husband was driving home from Salt Lake City, I told him that my van (yes, I drive a Dodge Mommy Van!) has "Service Engine Soon" lighted for a while now, and I asked him what should I do. He suggested that I bring my van to this mexican auto repair place in town to have it checked.

ME, dramatic: I feel I'm always getting ripped off by these mexican auto repair place, like they charge me more than they should....(didn't tell him that sometimes I feel they look at me like they haven't seen a woman before.)

Hubby, smarty: Next time you go to a car repair shop, you should not look like you, you know what I mean? Leave all your bling-bling and high heels at home, take off your make up, mess up your hair, wear a baseball cap, wear some sweat pants, and smell like habanero sauce... then you will not be ripped off.

ME, thinking: OK. So I need to look like Maxima Lavandera, and smell like mexican food.... That's HOT!

I thought my van said "Service Engine Soon" and not "Service Make-Under Soon".....

My Blah Moment of the Day - Maternal Exposure

I'm not sure if this is sensitive to share to all but I know it's hilarious (at least in my opinion)!

A couple of weeks ago, I attended a birthday party of my friend's son in Park City. After grabbing my plate of greasy but delicious Filipino food, I sat on a table next to a beautiful Mexican woman carrying her newborn child... alone in this patio table. Being my friendly self, I started the conversation about how pretty her baby is and how old and what's her name... blah, blah, blah.... and a minute later, her left boob happily and candidly joined our conversation. No kidding! I was totally disoriented for a minute and shocked how quickly this all happened, and I understood that very moment why there was no one sitting on her table. It was not a friendly nor a pleasurable site.

But that is not all.... I refused to move to another table. Instead, I stared at her exposed milkful boob ashamed to myself... and I thought, was that her freaking areola? I looked at it again, and again, and again... and yes, it was horrible and as big as her baby's face!!

I know I wanted to become a mother someday... but give me a break! I ain't having that thing.

So did I tell her? No. I was too ashamed to myself. I'll tell you if you have a bugger or if you're fly is open (no, I won't), but this time, I didn't say a word... until now.

Few days before this happened, me and my husband watched the 40-Year-Old Virgin movie of Steve Carrel (highly recommended to all but beware of the language!). My favorite funniest scene in the movie was the speed dating scene with the woman with exposed breast while she was casually interviewing... I didn't know that it was a premonition that I will encounter such blah moment in real life.

The moral of the story is, no plunging necklines to new moms, please! Yeah, your baby is cute but your boob isn't! Just keep them to yourself.

My BLAH Moment of the Day - Marilyn Monroe

So, I was sooo excited this week for the warmer weather! Finally, I could wear my favorite skirts and shoes! Everything was going great for me! I had my SPF 70 on... the sun was out... I was smiling as I walk to my car... breathing the fresh air.... digging in my purse to find my stupid car key... until the wind blew up my skirt! And OMG!!! I was freakin' Marilyn Monroe for a moment....

It felt cool for a minute, but I was sweating out of embarrasment on my way home... because I thought that was HOT!

My Blah Moment of the Day - The Bachelor

So the biggest news this week for me is... not the doom and gloom in California's capitol, it's not the snow storm in New York, it's not even Tatiana coming back to Idol this week, and definitely it's not the infamous octo Mom on food stamps... it is the unbelievable finale of The Bachelor reality show.

I admit, I have a love and hate relationship with this show for many seasons now. Literally, I hate it and I love it! I don't care what people say about this show (my husband absolutely hates it!) if this is scripted or not, or that it's not real, or the producers are not sensitive of the feelings (especially) of the women in this show. Really, I do not care! What makes me like this show is to watch beautiful, smart, young and independent women (who doesn't really need a man in their lives) join this show (25 fools of them!!) to fall in love with the same handsome pathetic loser looking for "true love" and then propose to the last girl to become his "wife" on TV!

You must have already heard this heartbreaking news that Jason (the "bastard," I mean the Bachelor) dumped his fiance (Melissa) on national TV an hour after he proposed to her to kiss and make up with the girl he first dumped (Molly). And this dumb blonde took him back instead of .... This was my BLAH moment because I was screaming like a maniac all night in my disbelief of this shocking twist and actually got sick to my stomach (or should I say the truth, I want kick Jason's ass!)... I can't believe how entertained and involved I was! I was updating my status in Facebook every freaking 10 minutes! I remember, the last moment I was crazy like this on TV was the election night back in November!

Long story short, if I was single and "hot" and desperate... I will never drag my self coming out to this show to find a husband. Just simply seeing my "future" husband kiss and make out (in the hot tub, tent, etc.... allow your fantasy to go on...) and do it all first with 24 other women before he proposes to me... is the reason he is the wrong man for me, or for any other girl.

Just for the fun of it, here's a YouTube video of "The Bastard"... when he was interviewed by Jimmy Kimmel in his show. You want my honest opinion? This guy will remain a cursed bachelor-loser forever.


My real fantasy now is to have a very different version of The Bachelor reality show, which will be a hit all over the world. How about doing "The Gay Bachelor" where the contestants were 25 gay men and drag queens? It will be a riot... as that will be the end of the world.

My BLAH Moment of the Day - Stretching the Rock Star

Last Saturday was my first day of 1-hour session with my very first personal trainer. I was so excited but I wasn't sure what I was paying him for me to do. I could not believe how sore I was today after a couple of days. I did a very different kind of cardio, toning and some new and weird floor stretching that impressed me very much. It was nothing like I've ever done before. It was amazing though as I didn't realize that I was that flexible after being old and rotten out of luck in my work out habit.

First, he stretched every muscle and fat combo in me on the floor like I was Barbie being twisted like a witch's voodoo doll! Then he kneeled down and lifted my one leg up high and locked down the other leg with his knee like we were in some kind of kama sutra position. He then asked me to lift up my butt while he was holding both my feet up, then he wrapped my legs down over my head... I didn't know how he did it but I felt like I was turned to a human spring roll in a second! It was a very unpleasant sight for sure (seeing my meaty bootylicious right on top of my face)!!

I finally had lost my shame at that very degrading moment. The only thing I remembered after that life changing drill was Pink's song in my head... "So what? I'm still a rock star! I got my rock moves, and I don't need you!" (Whatever that meant to my lost shame.... )

My Blah Moment of the Day - Cleavage

When I talk to men or to people in general, I look at their eyes, and I will notice when they look away or look somewhere else. If you’re a woman, you probably know where this conversation is going, right?

So this morning, I was sitting at my cube when a male co-worker has asked me where he could leave the boxes of office supplies. I pointed out nicely to him which way it was supposed to go when I caught him looking at my… cleavage!! (I was wearing a tight jacket with a plunging neckline inner shirt, so I unbuttoned the chest part so I could breath!). He said “Thanks” and walked away smiling! I thought to my self…. That was so lame of me! Why did I just let him walk away without being embarrassed?

A minute later, I thought this is what I should’ve done. I should’ve stood up in his face, unbuttoned my jacket all the way, and confronted him, “Hey, you! Why are you looking at my girls? Huh? You think they’re fake? Uh-uh! It’s the new Victoria Secret’s Miracle Bra, honey! Go tell your momma, your sisters and girlfriends they’re having their annual sale right now. And get one for yourself, too. They’ve got one for your man-boobs! Then you come back here and we’ll compare our cleavage! How’s that for a deal?”

I remember my husband keeps asking me many times on what will I do if some random guy just grabbed my @ss or my b@@bs! I told him, “Ay naku, mahal, nakikita mo baga areng mga pata kong are, ha? Ay isang matinding tadyak laang nare at mababasag na ang lahat ng mababasag sa kaya!!” The gentlest way to say that in English, but not the literal meaning of what I just said, is “Honey, I will just kick his crotch so hard until his b@lls would come out of his nose!”

My Blah Moment of the Day - Airport Security

I've turned myself into an expert traveller for the last couple of years. I knew exactly what to bring or to wear, or what NOT to bring or to wear to pass the strict airport security. Sometimes, the security personnel would even announce their "rules" in a funny way like, "Those folks from Texas, please remove all your buckles and belts, and your cowboy boots, and your hats! I know they're all pretty on you but they will not pass security!" Or, "No bottled water, orange juice or any form of liquid will pass through the security, except for up to 3 ounces of baby formula!" I happened to be stucked in line at the Chicago airport, and I really, really needed to pee really bad, if you know what I mean! So I asked the security, "Will my full bladder pass this security check?"

My BLAH Moment of the Day - Bloated

I was so stressed and pressured at work last week that I noticed that my tummy was... expanding! My husband noticed it and asked, "Honey, are you pregnant, and you're not telling me?" That's his nice way of saying I'm getting fat. So, I told him, "Honey, of course, I'm not pregnant! My high stress just makes me bloated and I think it's just a big fat gas that doesn't want to come out of my you what!"

My BLAH Moment of the Day - Utah Jazz

So last Friday, my husband asked me to watch a live Utah Jazz basketball game in Salt Lake City's Energy Solutions Arena. I have been wishing to do this for so many years. Not prepared at all and too tired from work, I did not have a chance to change outfit at all! I realized I was overdressed when I showed up with my tall boots, long skirt and woolcoat, when everybody was in their sweats, jeans and snickers. My husband made fun of me and said, "Honey, you don't look like you're going to a Jazz game. You look like you're going to the Mormon Temple to watch a Tabernacle Choir Concert. Or better, you look like a Mormon Missionary sneaking out of the Temple." I wonder where he is learning all these witty comments.

My BLAH Moment of the Day - Snip

A guy friend happily announced that he will finally be “snipped” this week. I asked him what “snipped” was. He said, “Czarina, that’s what they do to guys who should not have anymore kids.” Apparently, he already over-exceeded the Utah reproduction limit. OK, I get it now. So I came to him and asked him how that "snipping" procedure is done, and he was clueless. So I asked him instead, “Do you want to know what they did to my dog when they snipped him?” “What did they do?” he asked. I said, “Well, he was put to sleep first…” “And then what happened?” he was curious. I opened wide my big eyes and my big mouth and said, “They sucked his b@lls out! I think they vacuumed it or something!” He turned pale and crippled, and started crying to his disbelief. I felt so sorry for the guy and I thought to myself, “Poor puppy!”

PS: Due to the graphic content of this blog, there will be no picture exhibition.

My BLAH Moment of the Day - Good Puppy

I probably should stop calling cute babies "CUTE PUPPY!" And stop saying "GOOD PUPPY" if I mean "good job!"

My BLAH Moment of the Day - Nothing

Why keep opening the refrigerator everytime, when you know there's nothing in there?