The most important story I will ever tell is the story I tell to myself about myself. This story creates my reality and moves my life towards my passion and purpose.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Only Our Temporary Home
I try to avoid watching depressing news everyday but I can't ignore anymore this recent apocalypse in Haiti. This is a sign of the times. A big flashing neon sign from our Creator and He is telling us that this is only our temporary home.
I can relate to this song personally. It is powerful and deep. And I don't have to go as far as Haiti to tell you... But I just have to look around me, at people I know who are my closest friends and relatives... Kids struggling through their parents' divorce, teens not getting the right attention, single moms who try to make ends meet to support their children, sick people fighting for their lives, or ordinary families just simply working so hard in America to keep their house and their jobs in this unstable economy... and I can go on and on.
I know this is only a temporary home for me, so whatever great opportunities come my way, I have to grab it... Whatever sadness and adversities, I have to win it. Whatever prosperity and success, I have to share it. Whatever daily blessings, I have to be grateful for it. Whenever God gives me one more day to live, I want to make it a happy day. And that's my choice.
Check out this new beautiful song of my favorite singer, Carrie Underwood. And I hope that whatever your temporary home is like, I hope you believe that you can have a choice to make it worthwhile, even for just a day.
Friday, January 22, 2010
My Life Defined by High Definition and Constipation (and Future in Acting? LOL!)
Constipation. Yes, I want to talk about it. I thought I was going through such miserable phase of my life this week when I felt my body is refusing to you know what. I blamed it on my cold medicine. I blamed it on the weather. And I blamed it on my PMS. I even blamed my dogs. I finally realized that this is only a state of my mind. So here's what I did, instead of me stressing out and thinking about bloating, breaking out more blemishes, shame and hair loss, etc. because of this constipation, I have to reverse my thinking. So I thought about thinking about the toilet. Like how beautiful it is, and how peaceful I can be when I'm in the toilet. The toilet. The toilet. The toilet. And it worked and it's over.
For you all following my talent audition blog, I did get a call last week, and they wanted me to come back for a second audition and workshop with a casting director in late Feb. I may sound excited in my blog but the reality here is that I thought I walked in in a wrong audition. I was hoping it was a modeling audition! So I thought this second invitation was unexpected. But hey, I plan to show up and see what this audition really is all about and if this has any part of my future. Stay tuned.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Pursuit of My Long Lost Childhood Dream
Today, I went to a talent audition here in Park City. I was very excited. So I did what I have to do to prepare for it. Last night, I turned down a dancing and clubbing party with my friends, and healed my sinus headache, cold and sore throat. I gargled, cleansed my nasal passages with the Neti Pot, and knocked myself out with Benadryl. I woke up this morning feeling so much better and thought that it will be a very interesting day. But I don't know what to expect. All I know is they are looking for actors, models and voice over talents.
Is this an audition for America's Next Top Model, or for a new Victoria Secret campaign? I was hoping for the second one! Will I be ready to strip down my shirt and shoot a testimonial of how this Miracle Bra changed my whole life? What accent am I going to use when they make me talk? I practiced with my husband if I sound convincing with my Russian accent, or if I should talk like Penelope Cruz. And not only that, the big deal for me was... What am I going to wear? Should I arrive in this audition like a dazzling and glittery Hollywood celebrity in a spectacular furry and sequined outfit, or should I wear my tiara and ballgown and sparkly gloves and my angel wings like some enchanted Princess.... Whatever! I didn't want to be late so I looked like what I looked like yesterday going to work.
It was held at the Silverado Lodge at the Canyons Resort in Park City at 12 noon. There were few kids, and a couple of older people at that time... so I thought, this is not going to be very competitive and I felt comfortable right away. After filling out a couple of forms, they made me practice a short dramatic script. My character was Scarlet, a frustrated, undereducated 36 year-old woman married to her unsupportive husband, Mike, in a heartbreaking scene... and I'm supposed to show some tears somehow when I said the lines... "and now it's all my fault! (pause) But I never asked you to marry me."
The frustrated actress in me was reconceived and was reborn at that very moment when I was whispering my lines as I practiced behind my big hair, trying to sink in to that emotional character. The photo shoot and filming only took a couple of minutes. I looked at the camera as Scarlet as I said all my lines emotionally, and broke into tears, a la superstar Nora Aunor.
So that was my day! Hopefully they'll call me back in two weeks for a second round of audition. (So I can blog about it more!!) So, wish me luck!
Friday, January 8, 2010
2009: Indulge in Reminiscence
I met my one and only godmother, Cora Lua (2nd to the right), for the very first time in my life during my uncle's wake in California last February.
A surprise birthday for my wonderful husband in February!
I hosted a Miss Asia Utah Pageant at the Asian Festival in Salt Lake City. With me are the judges (former beauty queens) and my wonderful friends in the valley.
Our family's highlight and best Christmas blessing of the year! My brand new nephew in Houston... Everyone, meet Baby Robertson!Let's Talk About ME
That's what personal blogs are all about, especially my blogging. I had an issue about that, too. (Oh, yeah, I'm not done about my issues, yet!) I've been doing this for a while now and it became a fun hobby and routine for me, and sometimes, I think that people thought of me as a super self-absorbed and a self-centered diva.... an egotistical, narcissistic, selfish, arrogant bitch! That's true. But that's not true. OK, fine, it is true. That's what it's supposed to be.
People read my personal vlogs because they want to know me and they hope I have something funny to say. I write my blog to share my thoughts and extremely important experiences and highlights of my day, or of my life in general. For example, my silver white hair shining on top of my head, or my smelling like Mexican food.... When I say something cliche, or a metaphor, symbolizing me or my emotions and opinions, readers react differently and they can take me so seriously. It was really not a big deal but I get bothered at times. I have to get over that, and be like Paris Hilton, who just smiles all the time, whether she's loved and hated at the same time.
But who the hell cares! I shouldn't. This is my blog and I'm going to own it. So enough with my tenth round of blogging issues, and let's start talking about the reality star of this awesome vlog... ME, ME, ME, ME!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Confessions Must Go On...
I know what kind of happened to me. I believe this happens to a lot of new bloggers who are confused about their niche! I have no niche, period. I could not identify with any niche in blogging and that's hard. This is not a diet or beauty blog. It is not a travel, tourism, art, music, food, political or technical blog. That means that if I want to make this blogging work for me in an ideal world, I need to identify my audience and give them something that they want. I thought I failed in that category as this blog is too personal and I don't know if I have something to give to any audience at all.... And then I stopped blogging.
But what the heck? I knew few friends enjoyed reading my thoughts and my funny childhood stories. And even some few people I don't know from the other side of the globe. I must have given them something they like. Something that I can connect with them. I don't know what it is but there is this little spirit in me that said "keep blogging, keep blogging!!"
And that's what I'm going to do. Confessions must go on! All say now, AMEN!
Monday, January 4, 2010
My Blah Moment of the Day - Service Engine Soon
Last night as my husband was driving home from Salt Lake City, I told him that my van (yes, I drive a Dodge Mommy Van!) has "Service Engine Soon" lighted for a while now, and I asked him what should I do. He suggested that I bring my van to this mexican auto repair place in town to have it checked.
ME, dramatic: I feel I'm always getting ripped off by these mexican auto repair place, like they charge me more than they should....(didn't tell him that sometimes I feel they look at me like they haven't seen a woman before.)
Hubby, smarty: Next time you go to a car repair shop, you should not look like you, you know what I mean? Leave all your bling-bling and high heels at home, take off your make up, mess up your hair, wear a baseball cap, wear some sweat pants, and smell like habanero sauce... then you will not be ripped off.
ME, thinking: OK. So I need to look like Maxima Lavandera, and smell like mexican food.... That's HOT!
I thought my van said "Service Engine Soon" and not "Service Make-Under Soon".....
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
"You Look Like You're From The East Coast"
So, when I was in California and in Minneapolis last week, I have received some comments from random folks (who don't really know me) and said to me, "You look like you're from the East Coast!" It didn't bother me, but when I was in the Twin Cities, I received the same comments.... I didn't quite know what it means. I asked myself, "Was I rude or arrogant, and what is that look from the East Coast?"
Having been sick since I came back, and for few days now, I had to find out what that means. I asked my Facebook friends and even my aunt in New Jersey, and their comments were positive and that I should take it as a compliment, a good one in fact.
I googled and now I understood that it was a fashion statement... I must be looking good like Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City, strutting in my 4 inch high heels, my huge flower ring, and bling-bling necklace, and looking like a high powered Manhattan bitch in my black suit. And I must be wearing my fierce "I'm-independent-I-can-take-care-of-my-self" attitude.
So... I started to make my own observation, here in our little Utah town of Heber. After work, I walked in the grocery store, and people were shopping in pajamas, sweats, slippers, torn t-shirts, messed up hair, some looking like crap with no make up and no bra (God forgive them)... and I was in my work suit, on my platform suede booties, looking sharp and shiny. And now I realized that I'm different... but not really from the East Coast.
So whatever happened now to the promdi lad I once knew who has turned into a country western rocky mountain diva? I guess she's hiding in the closet.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
A Glimpse of Sad Reality Abroad at My "Caregiver" Experience
I don't know why I easily get carried away by these kinds of Filipino drama... Although this is quite far from my own story here in the US, I know I always try to seek something personal that I can relate to in any OFW theme movies.
Few scenes I want to mention that moved me personally:
1. The scene when Sarah (Sharon's character) spent her last days with her old grandmother. I remember I spent time with my Lola Salud before I left to the US. She passed away a year or so later and sadly, I was not there in her funeral.
2. The scene where she was buying her jacket with her son. I was with my mom when I bought my winter jacket in the same ukay-ukay market.
3. When her husband welcomed her at the airport. My husband (my fiance then) also picked me up from the airport and I remember we were promising to help each other fulfill all our dreams together here in the US.
4. The scene in the laundromat and the scene where she was walking in the snowstorm. Do I need to say more?
The story of Caregiver is very factual and convincing in my own experience and point of view. And really, you don't have to be a Caregiver in London to go through this cinematic experience. It is happening to almost everyone (no matter what your job is), and everywhere abroad, even in front of my own eyes, through the colorful lives of my closest friends and some relatives ...
For example: Good mother left child behind, good wife married to a jerk, good wife fed up and left jerk, good mom takes child, good mom leaves child to babysitters so good mom can work, child turned into problem child as good mom is always working, good mom depressed and looks for second chance in love to solve her problems, good wife marries another jerk.... and the same story goes on around again. Happy?
Or let's go the complicated story, good husband left wife for abroad to provide better life to his family back home, good husband works hard abroad, good husband gets lonely, another girl gets lonely, good husband abroad lives in with lonely girl who also left good husband back home to take care of family, who also wants to provide better life for her family.... sounds familiar?
That's the sad reality of life most Filipino abroad has to go through to earn this damn dollar or pounds, or whatever. And that's the quality of life that most families have to have, as chosen by their good parents only wanting to provide better life and future for their children. That's the kind of sacrifice that inevitably most Filipinos unconsciously fantasize when they think that the Philippines is hopeless, and that they need to work or live abroad, and leave their loved ones behind.
Lastly, may I say, I have a lot of respect to all these OFWs around the world and their own heroism to their families, especially the ones in the nursing and caregiving jobs. Here's the best lines in the movie that I believe have made impact to their chosen profession:
"Some time, when you least expect it, someone will come into your life and make you feel less lonely, less alone... For me you are that person. You care for people. You give them what they've lost to life down the years, their dignity, and hope and joy and even fun... There's not very many jobs that can top that!"
My own start-up story may not be as dramatic and worthy of a movie, but I've written a blog about it before. Click here to read my Promdi In America, Lost in Transition.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
My Blah Moment of the Day - Maternal Exposure
A couple of weeks ago, I attended a birthday party of my friend's son in Park City. After grabbing my plate of greasy but delicious Filipino food, I sat on a table next to a beautiful Mexican woman carrying her newborn child... alone in this patio table. Being my friendly self, I started the conversation about how pretty her baby is and how old and what's her name... blah, blah, blah.... and a minute later, her left boob happily and candidly joined our conversation. No kidding! I was totally disoriented for a minute and shocked how quickly this all happened, and I understood that very moment why there was no one sitting on her table. It was not a friendly nor a pleasurable site.
But that is not all.... I refused to move to another table. Instead, I stared at her exposed milkful boob ashamed to myself... and I thought, was that her freaking areola? I looked at it again, and again, and again... and yes, it was horrible and as big as her baby's face!!
I know I wanted to become a mother someday... but give me a break! I ain't having that thing.
So did I tell her? No. I was too ashamed to myself. I'll tell you if you have a bugger or if you're fly is open (no, I won't), but this time, I didn't say a word... until now.
Few days before this happened, me and my husband watched the 40-Year-Old Virgin movie of Steve Carrel (highly recommended to all but beware of the language!). My favorite funniest scene in the movie was the speed dating scene with the woman with exposed breast while she was casually interviewing... I didn't know that it was a premonition that I will encounter such blah moment in real life.
The moral of the story is, no plunging necklines to new moms, please! Yeah, your baby is cute but your boob isn't! Just keep them to yourself.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Recent Trip to my Dental Memory Lane
Well today, I went to my semi-annual dentist visit. Nothing too exciting happened as everything is good, and I didn't swallow anything that they put in my mouth, and they didn't rip my lips apart. They always complimented my shoes and purse, then my teeth! My dentist always tells me that I have the most beautiful teeth and that I just saved my self $5K for taking good care of it all these years. I want to give that credit to my mother who's been very concerned of our teeth since we were little kids.
I observed all these years that I've lived in the US that kids visiting the dentists are always happy and excited. They are given treats and treated really well. They're all smiling and having a good time.
Let me take you back 30 years ago in the little town I grew up in, called Sta. Cruz, Marinduque. I have a different experience as a kid visiting the dentist. I can't remember the name of this only male dentist in town (I'm sure my mom or my dad can tell whom I'm talking about...), but I still remember his dental office was dark and scary on a second floor building near our church, and he was smoking and a bit drunk sometimes, and always has blood shot eyes. I was terrified of him every time! It only took forever before a new lady dentist came in town.
Maybe nobody ever knew this, but when I was a little kid, there's two things that I wanted to have in life.... I wanted to wear eyeglasses and I wanted to have dentures! No kidding! I've always looked at my grandparents' dentures at night with such delight in this clear glass... It was emerged in water and I thought they were so beautiful and special. One night, when I thought my Lolo Sabino was already asleep, I tried his dentures on... yes, both of them in my mouth... Ok, I'll stop now as it's gross. Long story short, I changed my mind that night and decided I have to take care of my own teeth and keep it as long as I can. I got my wishes on the eyeglasses at 6th grade, but no thanks for the dentures.
You want to hear my opinion on dentures and gums? I swore before that I will never marry a man with dentures, and I didn't. I also remember telling my sister before not to ever date a man with purple gums as they can't be trusted. I don't know where I got that from, but obviously I still think that until now.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Rising Back from the Dead
Here's what really happened: I HAD A REAL TASTE LIFE!!
I took a vacation, ramped on the beach, and met my Peninsula friends. Then got busy again with work. Been getting fat and getting thin every other moody day. Hosted a pageant. Went to a lot fun parties and met new people. Went dancing with friends. Painted our basement. Drunk a tube of tanning lotion. Laughed out loud. Sung my heart out. Kicked some butt.
The highlight of my long hibernation, believe it or not, is my obsession of Adam Lambert (American Idol runner up). I was shocked and crushed when he did not win!! It took me weeks to heal my broken heart. I know, that was like so dumb of me. So what if he's gay? For me, he's talented and hot and sexy and beautiful...
Please allow me to celebrate another moment with my American Idol Adam Lambert. Here's my favorite performance - "If I Can't Have You, Adam Lambert, I don't want nobody baby".....
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Michael Jackson, You are not alone....
Here's one of my most favorite Michael Jackson songs and video, as I finally say goodbye to him... I will be remembering him forever with much love and adoration... Michael, You are not alone, I am here with you. Though we're far apart, you're forever in my heart...
Thursday, April 23, 2009
My BLAH Moment of the Day - Marilyn Monroe
It felt cool for a minute, but I was sweating out of embarrasment on my way home... because I thought that was HOT!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
My Fabulous Birthday Blog
Here's my new favorite birthday photo taken in Kamas on April 19th. My husband took this stolen photo of me...
Friday, April 17, 2009
Tale of a Terminal Gate Traveller
My tale of a terminal gate traveller today began when my 11AM Delta flight out of Salt Lake City to Seattle was moved to another gate, got delayed 3 times, then eventually cancelled at 1PM due to mechanical aircraft problem. My day battle at the terminal to get to Seattle (my company is sending me to present in a day sales event) started with a 3 mile marathon in my high heels from one gate to another and back and forth among 70+ blood-thirsty passengers bitefighting for 2 forsaken seats! After two frustrating and failed attempts to be watilisted, 3 bottles of Snapples, one chicken sandwich and a Krispy Creme, I just had to give up and end this saga of this miserable trip. I have decided to just cancel my entire flight, hotel and shuttle as it was not meant to be. Pout! Then I found out that my luggage managed to fly on its own to Seattle to do the sales mission for me!
One interesting moment in my last terminal gate was when I was chatting with a couple of passengers and I handed them out my business cards. He recognized me as a Filipina and asked if I have a website? Pause. I was flattered for a second! In my mind, which one should I give him? Business or personal? I have way too many! So I asked him instead to just Google my name and check my Google Profile and he can check which website he wants to see...
To remind me of this learning experience, and to treat myself after all that I have gone through my terminal gate journey, I managed to shop and bought this thick beaded necklace and this fabulous purse at 75% off!
But at the end of the day, I am just really, really happy that I am finally back home and have my beloved twins in my arms... and write a blog about it!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Britney Spears Circus Concert in Salt Lake City, April 14
Here's my video of the show's opening number from Salt Lake City!
I have read and seen the reviews of this concert tour before I decided to buy my tickets. So, I already knew what to expect. She lip-syncs and she doesn't dance as much anymore like the old days. But I went there to see Britney Spears and how well she can bring on a show, and it was an amazing experience for me. It was well-worth it!! She didn't walk out. She didn't say nasty things. She filled the Energy Solutions Arena with her thousands of maniac Utah fans, from little girls to hot mommas, from teens to yuppies, from gays to drag queens!
So, since this is my once in a lifetime Britney moment, I have two missions.... #1, to make my husband deaf after the show as I was screaming on his face like a mad cow, and #2, I wanted to look like her if she was a Fabulous Pinay!
Monday, April 13, 2009
The Hannah Montana in Me
When I was updating the new layout of all my blogs to create my own brand and identity in the bloggers' world, I felt that I have finally reached the point that I've become very comfortable not only in writing my thoughts, but in the character of the "Fabulous Pinay Diva" that I have created here in my blogs. I thought I was ready to forget the small town promdi that I used to be. But no. She's still lives in me and I sadly felt that I hardly know her now...
The first time I heard Miley Cyrus' song, "The Climb," I already know that this is my kind of song. Rightly so. Here's the video of the song that moved me...
Long time ago, I have climbed on different mountains, and I still do... but just thinking of how far and how fast I have climbed now, I can see that the view is just beautiful... but it's not about the view that mattered inside my heart.
It's the climb.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Why I could have been... Adam Lambert
We both like to use thick, black eyeliner, and wants to look sultry...
We both like to pout our lips, polish our nails, and do the Tyra Banks pose!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
My April Fools Day Surprise

Everyone, please be nice and say "Hello" to Paco, the African Gray Parrot!This is Paco's story: He was given away to us by a local friend who is moving to the city, and she couldn't take him along with her. (Gasp!) She had him for a long, long time, and she's really saddened to give him up.... (Weep!) He was quiet and thinking, "Where am I and what am I doing here?"
His beautiful cage is in our shoe/mud room for now as I thought he can't be with my puppies. I thought we will try to get rid of him eventually and try to find him a new home, and that he'll just hang out with us for a while... or so I thought! Until last night when my husband told me that Paco will now be our third (adopted) child, and that he will be Lily's new little brother... (Oh, no!)
When Paco heard this, he started to become more comfortable and he tried to win my heart by letting me hear him sing along American Idol last night. So, I took this video of him today and he was like singing to me "Happy April Fool's Day, Momma!" Please take a bird moment to hear his heart-winning voice...